From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against The Dying of the Light 0/1 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:54:03 -0500 Hi, This is a sequel to 'Eyes of Men Dreaming' which I posted to the list quite a while ago (if anyone wants a copy of this please drop me a line ;)). I wouldn't say it is a direct sequel, as it is possible to read one without having read the other. It is set at the beginning of Season 4 and contains Spoilers up to episode 7. Unfortunatly JMS wrote faster tahn I do so most of teh story can be firmly set in an alternative universe ;) I would like to that all of my beta readers for the excellent work they have done with my spelling/ punctuation ;) All the best Ruth From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against the Dying of the Light 1/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:53:57 -0500 Rage Against The Dying of The Light by Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. Spoiler warning for beginning of Season 4 PROLOGUE THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE. THE SMELL PERMEATED HER CONSCIOUSNESS, MAKING HER STOMACH TURN. TAKING A DEEP BREATH SHE MOVED CLOSER. SHE COULD HAVE SAVED HIM, BUT SHE STOOD AND WATCHED HIM DIE; HIS HAND GRASPED IN HER OWN. Susan Ivanova screamed. The room swung back into sharp focus. " Lights !" she called out. The computer complied, chasing the shadows away. Sooner than she even dared hope the door signal rang. Hurriedly she pulled on her robe and answered the insistent beeping. He didn't ask question as he guided her to the couch; she let him hold her, stroke her hair, whisper words of comfort. " That was a bad one, " Michael shuddered. That particular dream was more intense than any of his own.. Sometimes he wondered if this dream sharing was a blessing or a curse. The reassurance of another's presence was offset by an amplification of the disorientation, fear, pain. Sometimes it was difficult to decide who was dreaming. They couldn't tell when it was going to happen.....or what kind of dream. Tonight, she had been dreaming about John. It sent waves of unease through him. He had been trying not to think about his friend and that long lonely journey to Z'Ha'dum. Susan still didn't know. She had been off-shift when John left and Michael wasn't sure he could find the right words to explain. Somehow she had sensed that something was amiss, he could feel the tension radiating through her body. " You're all tensed up," he said gently. " I know." " Here, turn a second, I'll see if can do something about that." She squirmed pleasantly as he began to rub her shoulders. Touching her like this.......It was a fight between his hormones and his respect for their friendship. " That feels wonderful," she sighed. " Good," he kissed the top of her head, as was his habit, and let his hands drop. He expected her to move away but she didn't, she cuddled closer making it impossible for him to move. He put up a moments resistance but capitulated with a sigh. Letting himself enjoy holding her. He still relied on her heavily, it was selfish but the comfort of touch and physical sensation was something that Garibaldi hungered for. The scars of their shared experience were raw and painful. Sometimes they would spend hours together, silent, when words were just a distraction. . She had shared his life, that fact both scared and reassured him. If it wasn't for Ivanova...... ? Well he wouldn't be here , was the answer to that question. Most of the time he could forget, immerse himself in his work, but he'd find himself pausing, remembering, crying out silently and Susan was there to answer . They rarely spoke of those events, his incarceration on Earth, her fight to give him back all that he held dear. She had been his only link with a life he couldn't recall. He remembered clearly the frustration and fear as he'd struggled to recollect who he was. The memories of her gentle nursing brought back a rush of tender feelings. She had faced her greatest demon by using the Dust to enter his mind. " You all right to go back to sleep ?" he asked eventually, defying his body's urge to stay exactly where he was. " I don't know," she admitted." I've got a bad feeling, Michael. There's a great darkness coming that's going to touch us all. " " Susan..," he hesitated, trying to find the right words to tell her about John. She started at the use of her first name, Garibaldi never called her Susan. Tentatively , she reached out and he found himself brushing his lips against the palm of her hand. Slowly she leaned against him, turning her head to make it easy for him to kiss her. The response was awkward at first, like a nervous teenager. She could almost feel those final barriers being swept away as he gradually pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her back. " Security to Commander Ivanova....Chief...!" a very surprised Zack Allen appeared on the BabCom monitor. " Zack...we were...Something I can do for you ?" Susan found herself stammering, subtly trying to move herself a platonic distance from Garibaldi. Zack gave her a look as if to say 'I know exactly what you were doing, ' but continued, " Commander, I've just tried to check in with the Captain but he's not answering his link. Do you know where he is ?" Ivanova shook her head, " I'll look into it Zack." The screen blanked. " What the hell is John playing at ?" she swore. Michael didn't answer. He couldn't lie to her, a fact of which she was very much aware. Slowly she turned to face him. Everything he needed to say was written in his eyes. " Please...." he began, but she didn't give him a chance to speak, her blue eyes darkened by anger. " How could you let him go off like that ? Why didn't you tell me ? Dammit I thought you were my friend." Sheridan was going to die. Garibaldi knew it. Ivanova knew it. That's why she was so angry; he had robbed her of the chance to goodbye. She was shouting at him because she knew that there was no one else. Out there she had to take the Captain's place; she had to be strong. If she fell apart so did everything. " The Captain asked me not to tell anyone, " he said. " And when have I been just anyone ?" Cautiously he placed a hand on her shoulder, she stiffened at his touch," You're not, you know that," he said. " I made a promise to a friend and I'm sorry I had to hurt another one to do it. He couldn't tell you, he didn't even tell me, not really. He just gave me a list of things he wanted taking care of and I guessed the rest." " Damn you Garibaldi," she whispered. " I'm sorry," The words were simply spoken, but she didn't show any sign of having heard him. Susan pushed her hand through her hair, twisting it around her fingers. Garibaldi's hands covered her own, pulling her into his arms. " I did it because I believe in him and I believe in what we're doing. If we had one chance to end this it was John Sheridan and I was gonna help him any I could," he tried to explain. " Under the circumstances you would have done the same. " " I know, but it should have been me. Don't you understand ......he should have come to me. " His arms tightened about her, urging her to give in to her grief. The kiss still burnt on his lips, the sweet sensation of her mouth willingly accepting his own. He realised how terribly fragile that moment had been. He badly wanted to kiss her again, reassure her...., but he was a good soldier. He knew what she would have to ask him and he didn't want to make her task more difficult. Releasing her he straightened his shoulders. She took a deep breath.; " I'll need you to take first tactical watch, Mr. Garibaldi ,we have to anticipate some kind of response." " Yes sir," he replied. They couldn't say more , despite the fact that she was sending him out to die. Five days later Susan Ivanova was alone. The Captain was dead. And Garibaldi ? Alive, somewhere, there had not been the wrench in her soul when the Shadow ships had vanished. She wanted his support, his friendship, his love. Damn their reluctance to get involved. At least she would have had memories, instead of this cold, empty pain. They'd had opportunities, ever since they had met there had been an air of vague flirtation, but their friendship had always been more important than pursuing a serious relationship. Until that one instant..... Then she had managed to screw it up. Her anger had soured the last moments they had spent together. She'd hardly seen Michael before he had taken his Starfury out. A couple of hurried conversations had been all. No warmth, just two officers efficiently doing their jobs. She shouldn't be wallowing in self pity, there were others hurting more than she was..........Delenn. Susan knew that she should go to the Minbari Ambassador and offer comfort. She didn't move from her position. There were no tears, just a void that seemed unable to cope with the grief. A SMALL GREY ROOM, FURNISHED WITH A SINGLE CHAIR. A DOOR FACED HER. SHOUTING SHE HURLED HERSELF AT IT, SMASHING HER FISTS INTO THE UNRELENTING METAL UNTIL THEY WERE BRUISED AND BLOODY. THERE WAS A VOICE BUT SHE COULDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS. SHE THREW HERSELF AGAINST THE DOOR AGAIN, BUT THE MORPH GAS STOLE HER SENSES AWAY. Her eyes snapped open. She could have sworn that she hadn't fallen asleep but the unpleasant after-effects of a dream lingered in her mind. The clock had only moved on two minutes from the last time she had glanced in that direction. Shaking Ivanova refilled her glass. The wolf was at her door and she had to scare him away. She did not dream again. *************************************************************************** ******** PERSONAL LOG : COMMANDER SUSAN IVANOVA The war is over. Why do I find it so hard to say those words ? There is still a long dark road before us and sometimes it seems very easy to give up hope. Maybe that's why I still believe, I have never been one to take the easy path. How much have we already lost ? Our home, our friends, our innocence. My friends, even the ones that are still with me have been changed somehow. John come back from the dead, how am I supposed to deal with that ? Stephen has been on his journey of discovery, I envy his ability to come to terms with himself. Then there's Michael. What can I say about Michael ? I was on the White Star when I heard he'd been found. I didn't know what to feel. Happy didn't seem enough. Then, when I first saw him there was something I didn't know, anger, a vast and terrible rage. It stopped me going to him, and has made me hesitate ever since. Since when have I been scared of Michael ? He's been so may things to me. My friend, my shoulder to cry on, someone I could be angry with and now.....He resigned, three days ago. I couldn't believe my ears. God, Michael would sleep in his office given the opportunity, he wouldn't just walk away. I have to ask myself what really happened to him ? Why did he come back so different ? Why do I care so much ? *************************************************************************** **** The meeting was going to be awkward. In truth she didn't really know what to say to him. Telling him she was glad he was back would be a start, but those words should have been spoken the first minute she had seen him. For a few moments she cursed her position on the Station, she had just been too damn busy to find out what his problem was. She knew there was something wrong, knew he wasn't happy but.....Events had just been moving too quickly. Susan cared more than that and it disturbed her that she hadn't been able to find the time to help him. Now here she was, in his quarters, watching him put the final touches to the meal he had prepared. She couldn't help staring at him, trying to pinpoint what was different about him. He did look slightly dishevelled, unshaven, his shirt hung loosely about him. She looked down at her own clothes; blue silk shirt, black trousers.....she felt overdressed. To say she felt uncomfortable was an understatement, especially after the shock of his resignation. She didn't know quite how to fit him into her orderly plan of Station personnel any more. They were simply friends having dinner together. If that was the truth then what was she worrying about ? " This feels strange," Susan smiled. " Why ?" Garibaldi asked, putting the plate in front of her. " This, us, having dinner." " We've had dinner before. " She ran her hand through her hair, unsure how she could explain it. " I guess its the fact that I'm not your CO any more. " " Does that bother you ?" She could have lied to him. Told him that she respected his decision; that he should do whatever he felt was right for him but.... " Yes is does," she said. "Why did you do it Michael ?" He didn't reply, turning away to pick up the basket of bread. " You can't answer can you ?" she realised." You may have been able to justify yourself to the others but not to me. I know you too well " She hadn't meant to get angry with him. That was the first thing she had decided when she had accepted his dinner invitation. It wasn't the fact that he had resigned, it was the way he had done it. Flimsy explanations, transparent logic, all of which she'd found unconvincing. " Why then ?" she asked again, unable to keep the bitter disappointment from her voice. Why ? The question raged through his mind. He couldn't answer. There was part of him that was horrified. The way he was treating his friend and captain. Dimly he remembered some speech about trusting the moral superiority of your commanding officer. He'd really believed that for a time. When had he stopped ? Which one of them had changed ? " Dammit Michael, I deserve an explanation." Ivanova snapped. The man did not turn, " I told you my reasons," he answered, picking up a glass from the work surface, sipping its contents. " There was no excuse for the way you treated John !" It hurt to watch her two best friends at each others throats. She had hoped that by talking to Garibaldi she could smooth things over a little. The man just wouldn't listen to reason and here they were yelling at each other. What had she expected from him ? They needed to talk about more things than his resignation but since he had returned he studiously avoided her company. God only knew what had happened to him. It shouldn't bother her so much, the last time she had got so worked up about a single kiss had been fifteen years ago. No, it was the effort he had made within himself to let her get that close. Their mental intimacy had been matched by the physical and she wanted more. " I don't have to answer to you any more.......Commander," he snapped. The addition of her rank was an insult but Ivanova chose to ignore it. She tried a quieter approach. " You love this place Michael, you love your job. If it really is Sheridan that's bothering you, surely you can work things out. You've had disagreements before. " " That was before he turned himself into god. " " Talk to me Michael. I thought what happened between us would have brought us together, but here you are, pushing me away, just like everyone else who's ever managed to get close to you." He slammed the glass on the table, spilling its contents. Susan caught the distinctive smell of something chemically offensive. Michael was drinking again. It was a bad sign but one she had to ignore for now. " I am not having this conversation, not here, not now," he shouted. " These are your quarters, there's no point in walking out on me. What are you scared of ?" Those were the wrong words. How could she know so much about the man and still manage to say stupid things. She told herself to leave, get out before she embarrassed herself further. " You think I'm one of them don't you ?" he hissed." What do you want to do ? Rape my mind again ? Is that how you get your kicks now ? " Michael didn't see the punch coming and stumbled backwards a few steps. He put his hand to his mouth, staring at the blood, suddenly confused, vulnerable. Susan had the unexpected urge to comfort him. " I'm sorry, " she mumbled. " I shouldn't have done that." " No...I deserved it." She placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, she hadn't hit him that hard. Alarm bells rang in the back of her mind but she didn't want to listen to them. Michael was under a great deal of stress, that was all. So he wasn't getting on with the Captain but Ivanova had to admit that Sheridan wasn't quite himself these days. Then again who was ? " You're right I can't force you. .....It's just.....Since you came back you've been so distant from us, from me especially. That time, before you left....... " For some reason he looked ashamed, as if it was a painful memory. Again Susan cursed herself, she couldn't understand the man. His feelings were so clear, why wouldn't he act on them ? " I know I was out of line," he muttered. " Why ? Am I really that unattractive ?" " I think you're beautiful." He wouldn't meet her gaze. " I've wanted to say that for so long, " he continued. " Ever since we came back from Earth. " " Why didn't you ?" " Wouldn't have been right. " She laughed softly, " I give you full permission to step out of line again. As you pointed out, I'm not your superior officer any more." She took a step closer, invading his personal space. There was that same nervous caution as their lips met. In that moment Susan knew without doubt that, whatever had happened to him, parts of Michael Garibaldi had not changed. The good, kind, honest man was still there. Injured maybe, but within reach. The kiss deepened as he entangled one hand in her hair, the other slid under her shirt, warm against her skin. Beep. Damn, the Babcom signal, " Incoming message for Michael Garibaldi ", He raised his head and half turned towards the screen. Susan took his face in her hands, and forced him to look at her. " Ignore it," she whispered. " If its important they'll call back.", *************************************************************************** ******** " Final details on the other Rangers," Marcus handed the pad to Zack Allen. " Captain wants them all logged into the security net." " Yeah I know the drill." Zack sighed. He turned his chair away from the security monitors to face the Ranger. The routine chores associated with being in charge were definitely starting to get him down. That and the other task the Captain had assigned him to do. He cast another glance back at one of the monitors. Surveillance was all very necessary but when he was forced to spy on one of his own...... " That's Mr. Garibaldi's quarters isn't it ?" Marcus asked. " Yeah. Captain wants me to keep an eye on him. Figures he's been acting strange since he came back. What he thinks he'll find out by watching his front door is beyond me." " Well I'll leave you to what must be a fascinating.......Bloody hell .....Susan !" " What ? " Both men stared at the screen, not really believing their eyes. Garibaldi and Ivanova were locked in a passionate embrace, blissfully ignorant of the fact that they were being observed. " How long's this been going on ?" Marcus wanted to know. " She called in to see him late last night, but I figured she left while I was off-shift." " That's not what I meant." " Well, I did catch them late last year.......What's this got to do with you anyway ?" " Nothing.......Nothing at all. I've got to see the Captain." Marcus mumbled. " Are you okay ?" Zack asked. " Yes, why shouldn't I be ? " Marcus flashed an insincere smile which didn't fool Zack for a moment. So Cole had the hots for Ivanova. Then again who didn't ? Garibaldi was one lucky SOB if he'd finally managed to melt the Snow Queen. Wait till he told the rest of the guys. The couple on the screen had finally disentangled themselves. Garibaldi lent on the door frame and watched her walk away. For a moment Zack was struck by how lonely the Chief looked, " I'd better get going." Marcus said. " See you around." Zack called after the man's retreating back. There was no acknowledgement. In truth Marcus hadn't heard, he felt like someone had just kicked him in the head. Susan and Garibaldi.....!! How long ? He wouldn't have let himself become so obsessed with her if he had known. Oh no....that conversation he had had with Susan, while they were on the White Star, the one where he had admitted.....Was that what she had meant when she had said there wasn't anyone waiting for her any more ? Two more minutes, if that signal had come through two minutes later he could have told Susan how he felt and everything would have been fine. He cursed himself for waiting so long. 'He's not her type,' He muttered to himself, 'She wants flowers and candlelit dinners not take-away pizza and Daffy Duck.' But he'd wanted everything to be perfect. In his mind he'd planned the perfect first date, first kiss.....first night together. She was the most wonderful woman he'd ever met, the fact that she didn't think that he was her ideal man had never worried him before. There was no sign of any other attachment so he'd been content to wait. " Marcus......Something wrong ?" it was the Captain's voice. "Just a little tired." Marcus acknowledged, following the other man into the room. " Did you see Ivanova on you're way here ?" " Not personally." He slumped into the nearest chair, ignoring everyone else. Ivanova made her entrance a couple of minutes later, her face was flushed and he couldn't help noticing the light that danced in her eyes. " Had a good night ?" Marcus whispered. She looked at him, a blush spreading across her face, but she turned the embarrassment into a glare. " Glad you could make it," the Captain smiled, raising an eyebrow. " Sorry sir, I...er...wasn't in my quarters. Any sign of the Narn transport ?" " No, " " Are we sure they're drifting towards Centauri space ?" " As sure as we can be. I have their last known co-ordinates, Delenn has agreed to let you and Marcus take White Star 5...." " Er...Captain, would it be possible for me to take her out without a translator. I've been learning the Minbari language and this would be an ideal opportunity to test my skills." " I don't know....What's your opinion Marcus ? " Marcus looked from one to another, debating his answer. On the one hand he didn't think Ivanova's command of the language was of sufficient standard on the other he didn't want to offend her. " You said I was good," she challenged. " Yes...." He was tempted to let her go. She could find out the hard way that she needed him. The crew should be good enough to work with minimal guidance. " I think its a great idea." Marcus smiled. " Good," Ivanova replied. " I'll see you in twelve hours." *************************************************************************** **** The man's face was wreathed in shadows. The light could not penetrate them, warmth did not penetrate their chill. His smile came straight from hell. He reached out to touch the emotions of those around him.....fear, love, jealousy...He focused on one man, the source of those passions. It was easy to slip into his mind. The strong emotions provided a simple pathway. At first he did not appreciate the importance of his contact. The man was not in uniform, undistinguished, but his mind....His mind told another story. They would have to move quickly, six hours was barely time, the base was a full twenty-four hours distant. They may have to rely on the fragile alliance with the Centauri.....Disrupted as it had been by the death of the emperor. The opportunity was one that could not be overlooked. Unknowing, unconcerned his victim carried on his way. He would never know what he had done....How he had betrayed them. *************************************************************************** ****** It was going to be perfect. Red roses, he knew that they were her favourite flowers. Now how many ? A dozen ? Too ostentatious. A single bloom would say everything he wanted to. Food .......Something he was sure of. No point in spoiling the occasion by producing a dish that was inedible. Michael Garibaldi laughed out loud. He should listen to himself, sounded like an adolescent but that was the way she made him feel. The most gorgeous woman on the Station and she was sleeping with him. 'Calm down Michael,' he told himself. 'It was just one night'. If he wasn't careful he would start quoting poetry and singing. Then he realised he didn't care. He had a good feeling about this relationship. Maybe, just maybe, he could finally get it right. He was whistling to himself as he practically bounced into C + C. " Something I can do for you ?" David Corwin asked, carefully concealing his surprise, and confusion. Was Garibaldi still cleared for the area ? " Yeah, do you know when Susan's goin' to be back ?" " Um....I don't know she never filed a flight plan. The Captain said it was confidential. " " Damn." " Why do you want to know ? " " I'm planning a surprise for her." " The Commander's not too keen on surprises." " She'll love this one." " Are you okay Mr. Garibaldi ?" " Couldn't be better. Thanks David." " Good morning Michael." Michael found himself face to face with the one person who could ruin his good mood. He managed a civil acknowledgement as he pushed his way past. " Captain.... " The Captain sighed to himself. Before Z'Ha'dum the two men had finally got to the stage where they could talk to each other, trusted each other. Hell, Michael was the only friend who would have helped. Now....now they barely managed to be civil. They'd both been through hell and made it back safely, it shouldn't be tinged with this bitterness and mistrust. He regretted some of his recent decisions concerning Michael's involvement in Command discussions. The necessity of keeping the man ignorant had been painful, but there had been so much at stake. He had really thought that Michael would understand that. Now John realised that his own obsession with victory had been partially to blame. 'So be it,' He tried to tell himself prosaically but there was no comfort in the words, he missed Garibaldi's friendship more than he was inclined to admit. Ever since Michael had been returned there had been a niggling suspicion at the back of his mind. What had happened when Garibaldi disappeared ? Hyperspace backwash from the Shadow withdrawal didn't explain the changes in the man's personality. Had the enemy done something to him ? If Michael had been captured by the enemy....Sheridan felt a familiar stab of pain at the thought. He didn't want what had happened to Anna to happen to anyone else. Assigning Zack to keep an eye on Garibaldi's actions was extreme but he was beginning to believe that it was better to mistrust a little now, however much his instincts screamed against it. " Any message from the White Star ? He asked Corwin, trying to banish the disturbing thoughts from his mind. " Not yet sir." " They should be jumping to normal space right about....Now !" " White Star to Babylon 5," Ivanova's voice echoed from the speakers. " Sheridan here, " the Captain replied. " We're in position., the transport is on our scanners but it's drifted into Centauri space." " Any sign of border patrols ?" " No." " Proceed with retrieval of those refugees but get in and out as fast as you can. Keep this channel open." " Aye sir...... two minutes to boundary." Hardly a breath was drawn as the attention of the personnel in the room was focused on the loudspeaker. Ivanova's voice could still be heard, snapping orders in Minbari. Sheridan was impressed at her command of a language which, despite his association with Delenn, he couldn't master more than a few words. He suspected that her diligence was born out of a desire to avoid relying on Marcus. " Damn !" That wasn't Minbari . " Commander....Susan what is it ?" " Three Centauri war cruisers have just jumped out of Hyperspace. They must have known we were coming." " Get out of there Susan. Do not engage....repeat do not engage." " Too late for that." She switched to Minbari again. John forced himself to keep silent, he would gain nothing by distracting her. Ivanova had been right, someone had been expecting them. The weapons fire could be heard clearly by the occupants of the room as the White Star was shaken by a continual onslaught. Static blared out drowning Susan's voice. Corwin swore as he tore of his headset, " We've lost communication." Sheridan started to count to himself very slowly...one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. A whole minute passed than another. Still nothing. " Corwin ?" the Captain snapped unnecessarily. " Nothing yet sir." " Keep listening. Get one of our ships into scanning range." From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against The Dying of the Light 2/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:53:27 -0500 See part 1 for disclaimer. Spoiler warning for beginning of Season 4 Nothing. No White Star, no Narn transport, just the stars in all their glory. He would have preferred to have found pieces of the White Star scattered all over the heavens. At least he would have known one way or the other. His face betrayed very little emotion as he acknowledged the report. " So they're gone." Marcus said bluntly. There were three of them seated around the table; Delenn, Marcus, Sheridan. " No. I refuse to believe that." Sheridan snapped. " We think its far more likely the ship was taken." Delenn explained, " The crew may not have had time to activate the self-destruct." Sheridan hated himself, but there was something else he was forced to add; " Which gives us another problem. We can't afford to have the technology fall into enemy hands." He knew he sounded cold, uncaring, Marcus' shocked expression told him that. Focusing on something else helped him forget his fears for Susan's life and all those on board the ship. " But which enemy ?" Marcus asked fatalistically. " Are we talking Centauri, Earth Gov......." " Susan's last report mentioned Centauri ships....For now we have to assume that they have been taken by that government." Sheridan replied. " But we've had no word. If they were going to be used a hostages I would have expected to receive some kind of demand by now. If the ship was captured the crew may have been executed." Marcus closed his eyes for a moment. He willed himself to keep control. " Is there any way we can find out for sure ?" He asked. " I have been trying to reach Ambassador Mollari, but he has not returned any of my calls." Delenn replied gently. She reached out her hand in silent recognition of Marcus' pain. " So what do we do. Sit here and twiddle our thumbs !" " Absolutely not, but there's something else we have to consider." Sheridan interrupted. " What ?" " Those warships turned up almost as soon as the White Star jumped out of Hyperspace. They could only do that if they knew she was coming." " You mean someone here gave them the co-ordinates ?" " The probability is high. The question is who." Delenn said. " I do not like to think that there is a traitor in our midst." " Who knew she was going ?" " Just the three of us." Sheridan said. Taking a deep breath Marcus broached the subject that he had been trying not to think about. " Er...Captain. Susan wasn't in her quarters last night. What if she told whoever she was with." " Why would she do that ?" " If it was someone she trusted......Zack and I saw her leave Mr. Garibaldi's quarters early this morning. They seemed to be pretty friendly." That was the understatement of the decade. They'd hardly been able to keep their hands off each other. Sheridan's face was a mask as he absorbed the implications. He didn't want to suspect Garibaldi, could the man have some connection ? " No, I do not believe that Mr. Garibaldi would betray us." Delenn said stoutly. " He may not have had a choice." The Captain added more quietly. " We still don't know what happened when he disappeared. " " Are you going to arrest him ? " " I'm going to talk to him. Delenn please continue in your efforts to contact Londo. I'm not prepared to give up on Susan yet." *************************************************************************** ******** Zack spotted Garibaldi as the man was staggering across the Zocalo laden with shopping bags. Now how did he broach the subject without letting Michael know about the surveillance ? He'd never forgive himself if he lost this opportunity to needle his friend. It wasn't out of bitterness or jealousy. He was delighted that something was working out for Garibaldi. With all that had happened recently the man deserved a break. " Here let me help you with those," Zack offered trying not to snigger to himself. " No.....I mean I can manage just fine Zack." " Expecting someone to dinner, Chief ?" Garibaldi stopped and gave his second a hard stare. " I told you to cut that Chief crap. " Zack took no notice, he didn't care that it made Garibaldi uncomfortable. Might make the man reconsider his decision. " Its just you've got strawberries, champagne, expensive stuff.......and what's this an artificial rose.....ahhh that's really sweet." Zack continued. " Okay, I've got someone comin' round." " Anyone I might know ?" " No." " Doesn't Commander Ivanova have a thing about roses ?" " She might have. " " Its the Commander isn't it ? You lucky dog. How'd you manage it ?" " How can I put this politely ? You tell anyone and I'll shove you out the nearest airlock.." " What's she like ? " " You're on shaky ground Zack, quit while you're ahead." But Michael had a mixture of embarrassment and pride on his face. " Come on she's gorgeous. I'm not the only one who has fantasies," Zack continued. " You're sick." "And proud of it. I gotta check in with the Captain. Good Luck......Chief. " " See you around." Garibaldi laughed to himself. It was bound to get out eventually. He had to admit that Zack had been faster on the uptake than he would have thought. How Susan would react to their.......relationship (for lack of a better word) becoming public knowledge he wasn't sure. Then again if anyone had seen them in the corridor it would have been pretty damn obvious. Michael halted, his face creased in thought. Suddenly agitated he reversed his direction and hurried back to his quarters. Once there he dumped his shopping on the table and activated his computer terminal, accessing the surveillance data. They hadn't managed to disable all of his passwords as yet. Not that it would have mattered, he had more than one back way into the system. He soon found the file he wanted. Someone had been watching his quarters intensively. The records stretched back to the time when he'd been released from Med. Lab. Sheridan's orders no doubt. Had Susan known ? Maybe that's why she'd...... he wasn't even going to think that. He paused the image on the screen. Some part of Garibaldi hoped that the Captain had seen, would prove that someone around here still trusted him. Damn Sheridan, damn them all. Susan would be back soon, she had to be. He needed her here, wanted her in a way he couldn't describe. It was almost as if her mental fingers had brushed his mind again, an experience that he could find addictive. Something flickered at the back of his memory.....What had happened when his Starfury had vanished ? That should be bothering him more than it was. For some reason, this time, he was content to say he didn't remember. Again his thoughts were neatly diverted onto a new path. Where had Susan said she was going ? He couldn't remember if she'd even told him. Depended what their worthy Captain had planned. Who knew what was going through that man's mind these days ? This coming back from the dead was an overrated business. The door signal interrupted Garibaldi's thoughts; "Open," He growled. His scowl deepened as the Captain walked through the door. You only had to think Sheridan's name these days and he was knocking at your door. The two men stared at each other Garibaldi wasn't going to end the psychological game by speaking first. Sheridan swallowed heavily, " Mr. Garibaldi...," he began. " Care to explain......" Garibaldi gestured towards the screen. The Captain took in the image with barely a flicker on his face. " You ordered this ? " Garibaldi snapped. " Yes I did." Sheridan tried not to let irritation slip into his voice. His patience with Garibaldi's antagonistic behaviour was wearing a little thin. In the light of Marcus' revelation Sheridan had to keep his distance, but Michael would never believe that. He would just see it as another sign of betrayal. " Since when have you found it necessary to spy on me ?" Garibaldi continued. " The White Star left this morning on a mission only three people knew about and they were ambushed when they jumped out of Hyperspace. " Sheridan explained. " Susan ?" Garibaldi's belligerence had given way to genuine shock. " The ship vanished along with her crew. " " Then we have to do something. We have to find her." " Michael......someone else must have known that they were going." Without meaning to he glanced towards the viewscreen, " You slimy bastard. " Garibaldi hissed. Without warning Garibaldi launched a right hook at his former commanding officer. There was power behind the punch and Sheridan found himself stumbling backwards a few steps. Michael Garibaldi was a big man and Sheridan knew better than to take him on in a fight fair or other wise. He raised his hands in supplication, not wishing to antagonise the situation. " Michael, all I want to do is find out what happened to Susan." Saying anything at all was a mistake, Garibaldi lashed out again. This time Sheridan tried to block the punch, but Michael moved too quickly and the Captain crashed to the floor. There wasn't going to be any sane conversation while Garibaldi was in the mood to fight. Sheridan didn't have the time to allow the other man to cool down, not with Susan's life in jeopardy. He activated his link. The door swung open and four security guards streamed in. For a moment Sheridan thought that Garibaldi was going to attack again, he had the look of a caged animal, one that no longer cares about its own safety. " Come quietly Chief and we can get this mess sorted out," the leader, Zack, said. The words seemed to have a calming effect. Garibaldi looked at his men, reluctant to hurt any of them. Zack gestured towards the door and Michael walked out, followed by three of the four men. Bending towards the Captain, Zack offered his hand. Sheridan scrambled to his feet, feeling his jaw gingerly. Nothing was broken although one of his teeth felt decidedly loose. " With all respect sir. I was listening to the feed from your link. He sounded pretty cut up when you accused him. I think he really has a thing about Commander Ivanova." " No kidding ?" Sheridan smiled wryly , wiping the blood from his mouth. How the hell was he going to handle this ? He couldn't ignore it....however much he wanted to. Susan was the important issue here and Garibaldi was the only link they had. He had to talk to the man. " Charge him with assault and we'll take it from there," Sheridan ordered quietly." Put him in interrogation room 5, I'll be there as soon as I've cleaned up. " Zack sighed to himself and looked round. He really didn't want to be part of this but the Captain was right, Garibaldi had been acting strangely. The funny thing was that he was worse whenever the Captain was in the same room. Putting his gun down, Zack crossed to the table. The food his friend had brought would spoil if it was left out. Wondering why he did so, he started to pack it away. *************************************************************************** ******** Garibaldi had relaxed slightly. He seemed tired now, unsure of himself. Whatever had sustained his anger had suddenly been taken away " Sorry about this," Sheridan began. There was silence, Garibaldi looked straight through him. " Michael I need to know what Commander Ivanova told you about her mission." Still nothing. " Michael please....Whatever I've done to you can't we put it aside, for Susan's sake. " " Go to hell." " For God's sake......Look I don't want this. They tell me you care about Susan, if you want me to believe that you have to talk to me. " Garibaldi let out a shaky breath. He wanted to reply, but the very idea of helping Sheridan was sending waves of nausea through his body. 'Susan,' he kept on telling himself, 'This is going to help Susan.' " Nothing. All she said was she was takin' one of the White Stars out. She didn't say where or how long it was going to take and I knew better than to ask. Besides we had more interesting things to do than discuss your latest plan for universal domination." Garibaldi closed his eyes suddenly. Sheridan would never know how much effort it had taken to speak in a civilised manner. He wanted to sleep. THE WALLS HAD GONE. THEY WERE BACK, POINTING LAUGHING. WHO WERE THEY ? WHAT DID THEY WANT FROM HIM ? SOME SPECIMEN IN A CAGE TO BE EXAMINED. HE COULD HEAR THEIR VOICES........BUT THE WALLS. HOW COULD HE HEAR THEM THROUGH THE WALLS ? " GET OUT." HE SCREAMED. " OUT OF MY HEAD." HE SHRANK AWAY FROM THEM. THEY LAUGHED LOUDER.....LOUDER.......LOUDER. Suddenly his eyes snapped open. Where was he ? " Michael....Michael.... get a med. team here stat." Sheridan was kneeling in front of him, a hand resting on his shoulder. Garibaldi looked around himself wildly. He must have fallen asleep, been dreaming. There had been a dream, he distinctly remembered a dream. *************************************************************************** ******** " What the hell's this ? Stephen Franklin exclaimed. Garibaldi said nothing, although Franklin was sure that the man blushed. The Doctor examined the scratches across the man's back. " OK who is she ?" Franklin continued. " No one you know," Garibaldi lied. " If its any consolation it hurts like hell." " I'm not surprised........" " Look Stephen I don't think the other party would be too impressed if I mentioned this to anyone. In fact she'd probably make my life hell." " Susan....you're talking about Susan !" The Doctor exclaimed, putting two and two together, " She did that to you .....You let her do that to you !" " It didn't hurt at the time, now not so loud, I don't want it all over the Station. Do I get a clean bill of health ?" " It appears you had some kind of petit mal seizure, but your EEG and neurotransmitter levels are normal." " In English ?" " I don't know what happened back there but I can find no physical problem." Garibaldi snatched his shirt back from the Doctor, angrily shoving his arms through the sleeves. He winced as the fabric made contact with his sore back. Franklin watched him patiently for a few minutes, " What really is going on between the two of you ?" Garibaldi just shook his head, glad that he didn't have the eloquence to put his feelings into words. The thoughts were too precious to share. Waking in the middle of the night, her distinctive feminine perfume, the smooth skin.....As close to him as the clothes he now wore. How many times had he reached out, just to make sure she was still there ? And now Susan....... " Can I go now ?" " I guess so. Michael, for what its worth....I'm sorry, about Susan." " She's not dead, " the firm conviction was clear in Michael's voice, " I'd know if she were." Stephen opened his mouth to argue for the inevitable but something stopped him. The other man was serious, obsessively so. In the Doctor's opinion it was better to let Michael cling to what would probably turn out to be a futile dream. " Franklin to security, Mr. Garibaldi is ready to leave now." " Don't tell me, Captain's orders." " I..." " Forget the apologies Stephen. Tell me one thing. Do you even think its remotely plausible that I would betray Susan....even if she had told me where she was going ? " The other man remained silent. How could he explain ? It was possible that Garibaldi wasn't responsible for his own actions. It was possible that he betrayed them without even knowing that he had done so. " Nice to know who my friends are." Garibaldi joined the security escort who were now waiting patiently at the door. His thoughts were dark, it didn't look like anyone trusted him anymore. " Michael..," Franklin called after him, but was ignored. " Did you find anything ?" It was the Captain's voice. " He's fine, just like he's been the other thirteen times I've examined him. Are the guards really necessary ?" " I wish I could answer that. I hate it as much as you do but Michael....isn't right." " Any word on Susan ?" " Nothing yet. What's wrong ? " " Something Michael said. He's pretty convinced that Susan is still alive," " I hope to God he's right." *************************************************************************** **** From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against the Dying of the Light 3/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:53:05 -0500 See part 1 for disclaimer. SPOILER WARNING for beginnning of Season 4 A country house, a large four poster bed.....Susan Ivanova opened her eyes......No it was still a small grey, featureless room. Not much scope for the imagination. She sat with her back against the cold metal. God but she felt like shit. Whatever they ( whoever the hell They were) had used to knock her out had left her with the equivalent of a three day hangover. She didn't know were she was, hadn't seen anyone, been locked in this room for what felt like days. It might have been hours, her sense of time was completely screwed. How do you begin to rationally asses your situation when you don't know what your situation is ? She fought the urge to leap to her feet and yell at the walls. 'OK Susan' she told herself, 'Examine the facts,' One, she had been on the White Star when the Centauri ships had attacked. Somehow they had managed to knock the power out. She remembered blundering about in the dark, calling orders to the stricken crew. Then.....Then they must have been boarded and.... A vague memory of regaining consciousness. The room had been transparent. There had been people, human or alien she couldn't tell. She shook her head, no that had to be a drug induced nightmare. There was no more. The next thing she recalled was waking up here. For some reason she thought she was still in space, the slight vibrations caused by a ship's engines. If so they were obviously taking her somewhere. And the White Star ? If they had gone to the trouble of boarding her she was probably still intact. But why not just kill all the crew ? If only someone would come so she could take out her anger and frustration. She couldn't help feeling that this was all her fault. If she could have swallowed her pride and brought Marcus along ? Maybe she hadn't reacted quickly enough, her orders that fraction of a second too slow. She may not have even given the right orders. Poor Marcus, he was probably feeling as guilty as hell. And Michael ? He doubtless had dinner on the table waiting for her. She smiled to herself. She wasn't used to thinking about him in that way. Her lover...but so briefly. Why was everything so transient ? It was as if the universe could only offer her one moment of happiness before stealing it away. Reluctantly Susan felt her eyes closing. She didn't like to sleep. When she dozed they came in here, left food, water. God knew what else they did. As she drifted off to sleep she wondered idly if Michael could still sense her dreams. The walls had gone. They were back, pointing laughing. Who were they ? What did they want from her ? Some specimen in a cage to be examined. She could hear their voices........but the walls. How could she hear them through the walls ? " Get out." She screamed. " Out of my head." She shrank away from them. They laughed louder.....louder.......louder. OH GOD, SHE HAD TO WAKE UP, SHE HAD TO GET OUT OF THE DREAM, SHE HAD TO..... HER EYES OPENED. IT WAS ALL A NIGHTMARE SHE WAS BACK ON BABYLON 5 "SUSAN" IT WAS HIS VOICE, " YOU OKAY?" SHE NODDED. HIS ARMS WERE ABOUT HER. HE WAS TELLING HER TO SLEEP, REST GENTLY. HE WOULD BE BESIDE HER.......ALWAYS. It was all a nightmare, she was back on Babylon 5, strong arms about her. She turned, without looking, her lips meeting those of the person that held her........ the touch was familiar, It took her all of two seconds to realise that it wasn't Garibaldi. She opened her eyes, staring into the beautiful mocking face. " Talia ?" She gasped. She pushed away, putting as much distance as she could between herself and the other woman, who threw back her blond head and laughed. *************************************************************************** ******** House arrest was less embarrassing than spending the night in one of his own cells. Michael wandered round the room like it was no longer his own. Susan was here, an indelible part of his life. He picked up her shirt from the floor. " I know you don't like me asking this Chief but are you sure you're OK ?" Zack questioned. Garibaldi just looked at the other man. Despite his annoyance he felt some sympathy....the poor guy still thought that his 'Chief' was coming back to work. " Michael." " What ?" " Call me Michael." Zack appeared to think about that for a moment. He was getting too old to play childish games. Garibaldi did, after all, have the right to chose his own destiny......however crazy it might appear to those who knew him. That was assuming he was free to make that decision. To hell with it, Zack no longer took orders from the man. " Sorry I don't think I can. It just ain't you. None of this is. You don't turn your back on your job, your friends. " " I don't know what you mean." " You've treated the Captain like shit.....and me. You used to care about every man under your command. If we were in trouble we damn well knew that our Chief was gonna pull through for us." " Zack please....... All I care about right now is getting Susan back." " What happened to you out there ?" Zack demanded. " I don't......" " The hell you do. " Michael paused, a picture flashed into his mind. It didn't make sense. He couldn't remember. " I'll see you later." Zack muttered as he stalked out of the room. " Something." Michael whispered to himself, uneasy conviction growing. Why couldn't he remember ? Why wouldn't they let him remember ? IT WAS HOT, SEARING, BLAZING HEAT. HIS CLOTHES, WHAT HE STILL WORE, WERE SOAKED. THE RANK SMELL OF SWEAT CLUNG TO HIS NOSTRILS. DRAINED OF STRENGTH, HE LAY STILL, BREATHING SHALLOW. CAGED, THERE WAS NOWHERE TO ESCAPE. HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW LONG HE LAY THERE, BUT EVENTUALLY THIRST MADE HIM MOVE, JUST ENOUGH TO REACH HIS MEAGRE WATER SUPPLY AND POUR A FEW TEPID DROPS DOWN HIS THROAT. The fire receded slowly. His body felt weak, it was all he could do to stagger to his bed and collapse among the rumpled sheets. He should call Franklin, but what good would that do ? It would mean another senseless examination, more stupid questions. Dammit he needed a drink. His need forced his reluctant body to rise and fetch the bottle of JD he had secreted. It was almost full, Susan had interrupted his plan to get blind drunk. Without hesitation he gulped down an unhealthy quantity of the liquid. " Incoming Message for Michael Garibaldi," the computer's voice intoned. " Go to hell." he yelled at the inoffensive machine. " Terms not recognised." He wasn't in the mood to talk. It could wait, they could all wait. He took another pull at the bottle. Amazing how easily it slid down his throat. Fire of a different kind now burnt through his body. The alcohol was affecting him rapidly, due to the long period of abstinence. Wouldn't be long now before his mind dulled into the torpor that would allow sleep. What the hell was happening to him ? For a terrible second the conviction that she was still alive faded. " Don't let them hurt her." he heard himself whisper, over and over. *************************************************************************** *** " I know I'm asking a lot," Sheridan said, " But will you even consider it ?" Lyta Alexander hesitated before giving her reply. If Mr. Garibaldi agreed to the scan all well and good, if not.....It would be a very painful process for both of them. She wasn't too keen on the idea of forcing her way into her the mind of someone she considered to be a friend. " Is it absolutely necessary ?" she asked. " If I'm to satisfy myself that Michael is in the clear, then yes, I think it is," John replied. " Very well." " Mr. Allen." " Yes sir." Zack stepped forward, " Escort Ms. Alexander to Mr. Garibaldi's quarters." " This way ma'am." Although Zack kept up a steady stream of chatter as they made their journey, Lyta couldn't recall any of it. She was too busy preparing her mind, just in case Garibaldi wouldn't submit willingly. With the rumours surrounding the man's recent behaviour she wouldn't be surprised if he was difficult. Even if it was the only way of clearing his name. " Chief, you have a visitor," Zack announced. The door slid open, and the two moved into the room. " I was wondering when you'd show up," Garibaldi said. " Sheridan order you to poke around my brain ?" " I've been authorised to ask if you would agree to a scan," Lyta replied. " And if I don't agree you'll do it anyway." Garibaldi rubbed his hands over his face. He was too tired to play games. Despite the alcohol his night had been more or less devoid of sleep. Three times the dream (or whatever you wanted to call it) had come to him. Each time the same burning, searing heat. He must look a real sight. Unshaven, his eyes bloodshot from the booze, clothes stained with sweat. " Just get out of here," he said. " I don't need you to prove my innocence." " With all respect Mr. Garibaldi I think that you do," Lyta replied. " Hell everyone thinks I'm guilty why not lock me up and throw away the key. That's what Sheridan wants." " But it won't help Commander Ivanova......" " Ms. Alexander.....Are You okay ?" Zack asked with some concern. Something flashed across the telepath's features. " I'm fine Zack. Mr. Garibaldi, you seem convinced she's still alive. Why ?" The man looked at her sharply, " Get out of my head lady." " Dammit I'm trying to help you." He didn't want her help, didn't want her anywhere near him. Trust and telepaths just didn't go together. But she said she could help....No mustn't let her scan him. But Susan....? " Take my hand Michael." Unwillingly Michael reached out. HIS FINGERS TOUCHED SOMETHING COLD. ICE HAD FORMED ON THE METAL THAT MADE UP THE BARS OF HIS CAGE. HE HUDDLED AGAINST THE BACK WALL, CURLING UP UNDER THE MEAGRE PROTECTION OF HIS JACKET. " What the hell !" Zack heard himself swear. In unison the two figures had dropped to their knees. He rushed to Lyta's side, pulling her away from Garibaldi. Her skin was ice cold. The Chief looked around himself in bemusement, climbing to his feet, arms wrapped around himself. " How often has this happened ?" Lyta asked him. " About half a dozen times," Garibaldi admitted. " What ?.....What's happened ? " Zack demanded now in total confusion. " Go and find Doctor Franklin, " Lyta ordered. " And tell him to bring some sleepers." " Whatever you say." Zack felt that it was better to stop asking questions. After the sergeant had left Garibaldi turned to Lyta. " Sleepers, but they're for telepaths," he questioned. " I know. But I think what you have experienced is a series of strong psi flashes." " How ? I'm not telepathic. Where from ?" " That I can't tell you. But don't worry, the sleepers will help." Something was eating away at the back of Garibaldi's brain. He hoped that Franklin would bring some Oxy pills, he needed to clear his mind. If he wasn't in the last stages of insanity then what, or more specifically who was responsible. There was something very familiar...... " Susan," he suddenly exclaimed. " Its Susan." "That just isn't possible Michael . Even if she's still alive, she must be light years away." " Who are we to say that ? Last year, Susan took some Dust, say it stimulated the telepathic centres in her brain. When she left my mind, maybe the link was never truly broken. Maybe we can use it to find out where she is ?" Lyta wanted to reassure him but the truth was she just didn't know what to say. Was it possible ? Her experience within the psicorps suggested not. Then again maybe that information had not been passed on. Who was to say what the human mind was really capable of ? If Garibaldi was right......She looked at him, " The two of you are close ?" " Yes." " I don't know what this means but I'm going to tell the Captain to call off the guards. I also want Dr. Franklin to give you something to help you rest." Michael just nodded absently. He still didn't know where Susan was, what they were doing to her. The telepath placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but he barely felt its presence, or the consolation she was trying to offer. Eventually he heard the door slide shut. Lyta paused outside Garibaldi's quarters, her hands massaging her temples. She hadn't seen anything that had supported the Captain's accusations and what she had found she didn't understand. Even for a telepath the human mind was a strange and terrible place. That Michael was somehow linked with Ivanova was not impossible but the images he was receiving were so forceful . She had never come across such power not even in the case of telepathically connected twins. She supposed it had to be something to do with the Dust, enhancing the capability of Ivanova's mind. Pushing herself away from the wall she hurried back to the Captain's office. " How is he ?" Sheridan asked as soon as she walked through the door . " Scared.... Experiencing things that no normal mind has been trained to do. " " What do you mean ?" " There's a mental connection between him and Ivanova, possibly a result of the Dust she took. He feels the same things she does, not all the time, but enough to be...unnerving. In answer to your next question he didn't inform anyone of the White Star's itinerary. " " Could he have done it without knowing ?" " If there is some hidden personality then my scans won't find it. You'll just have to trust him. " *************************************************************************** ******** 'Don't screw up,' Garibaldi kept on muttering to himself. What if he couldn't do it ? What if Susan died because Michael Garibaldi screwed up again ? The injection had worked like magic but Michael could feel nothing now, wouldn't until the drugs wore off. It was driving him nuts. Sneaking the shuttle out of B5 had been easy, but as he left the docking bay he felt the rest of his trip wasn't going to be quite so straightforward. Ten seconds out into space Corwin's voice echoed through the ship, " Babylon 5 to unknown shuttle.....You are making an unauthorised departure, return to docking bay. I repeat return to docking bay." " Don't get yourself in a twist Corwin, its only me." " Garibaldi, what the hell are you doing ?" the Captain demanded. " Visiting our friend on the planet. " " Return to base." " Trust me sir. You used to do that once remember." " Michael....!" But the Captain didn't protest any further. Garibaldi's reasons were ones that he could understand only too well. "I'll contact Draal, make sure he doesn't try to fry you on the way down. " Sheridan continued. Savagely Garibaldi cut communication. Sheridan feigned worry about Susan but all he really wanted was his precious White Star back. Breaking out of orbit the shuttle started its descent to Epsilon 3. Garibaldi vividly recalled his last visit, Jeff had got himself into a real snit about that one. The memories were tinged with sadness, he didn't like to think about Jeff Sinclair living out his life 1000 years out of reach. Michael knew without doubt that, had he been allowed back to Babylon 4, his best friend would not have had to face the past alone. He often wondered what it would have been like to follow 'Valen'. But Jeff had gone and Michael was left to deal with Captain ' can't do anything wrong' Sheridan. The canyon walls rose like mighty black monoliths. Garibaldi skilfully guided the shuttle to the landing pad and disembarked. The atmosphere had been charged with oxygen so Draal was obviously expecting him. The Minbari guardian met him on the approach to the Great Machine, " You wish to use the machine ?" he asked. " Yes, sir, if you wouldn't mind" Garibaldi stepped forward. Draal nodded, " This way......." He led Michael into the adjoining room, " I'm not sure I can do this, " Garibaldi admitted. " If your need is great enough." The room was just as he remembered it. The ineffable feeling of power that the machine generated. As if it was continually watching, its great eye circling the universe. The figure of Draal disappeared from Garibaldi's side as the Minbari within the machine moved. " Step inside," Draal gestured towards the heart of the machine. Feeling a little like a fly walking into a spider's web Garibaldi did as he was bid. " Relax your mind, " Draal continued. " Follow the path." Closing his eyes Michael tried to do as he was bid. The room faded for a moment as his breathing slowed.....He could see stars, it was like being in space without a space suit. Myriad planets whirled beneath him, where should he go ? Where should he start looking ? Slowed, then stopped.....His breathing stopped. In panic Michael tore himself away, falling to his knees, " Its no good," he gasped, sucking oxygen into his starved lungs. Draal's strong arm helped him to his feet, " Rest a little, then try again." " I have to find her." " Then call her name." " As simple as that ?" Garibaldi was sceptical but when his breathing had returned to normal he returned to the place within the machine. " Susan ," he called. " Not your voice your mind," Draal said. SUSAN ! MICHAEL, IS THAT YOU ? SUSAN I CAN'T SEE YOU. " Follow the path," There it was, stretching endlessly before him. Without another thought he launched his mind out into the void. He could still hear her voice, encouraging him onwards. Then, suddenly, he was in a different place. The sky was orange, on the horizon he could see the giant red sun. The dawn was hot and sultry, with none of the freshness he normally associated with morning. He turned slowly, taking in his surroundings. The cage was one of many, open to the still air. Apart from the basic facilities he would have thought himself in a zoo. There, lying on the bed, cured up close to the wall, a human woman. He moved closer, her voice whispered a single name over and over. He reached out a hand, surprised for a second that he was actually able to touch her. " Susan." he called gently, hoping she could hear. Her eyes fluttered open, she let out a small gasp as she looked up at him. " Michael, oh God. How....?" He almost choked as her lips savagely met his own. It felt strange, he could touch, he could feel, but somehow it was still an ethereal experience. Maybe she sensed that something was wrong, she didn't protest as he gently pushed her away. " I'm on Epsilon 3," he explained, " What happened ? Where am I ?" " I was hoping that you could tell me that. " " The last thing I remember was being on the White Star and giving the order to fire on the Centauri war ships, then I woke up here. I don't know what happened to the rest of the crew." " Maybe you're somewhere on Centauri Prime ?" " No, the climate's wrong. Last night was so cold I was scared to sleep, but you can feel it heating up already. Its not one of their colonies either.....not with that sun. Lets face it I don't know where the hell I am. " " Have you seen anyone else ? " " No." " Hold on, I'm going to get here somehow. You promised me dinner remember." " I remember." He caught the note of hopelessness in her voice. Automatically his arms went about her, pulling her close, but he could offer her no warmth, " Susan, promise me you'll hang on until I can get here." " I promise. God speed." Weariness was descending on him, as if the machine was draining his life's energy. If he did not leave soon he would not be able to get back. He placed a finger on her lips before drawing away. It was a struggle to return to the void, leave her there alone but his strength was failing. There were so many paths, so many lives intertwined. He paused in confusion, which was the way home ? DRAAL ? DRAAL !!! All was silent. I CAN'T FIND THE WAY ! " Here my son." DAD ? " This way ." His father's voice was calling to him, but as he turned towards it he caught a glimpse of the multi-faceted eyes. They saw him, called to him. There was something too familiar about those eyes. The fear of recognition made him turn in the opposite direction. There was a sensation akin to pain as he found himself back in his body. To have substance again was almost like imprisonment. " I found her," he told Draal. The Minbari nodded, " You did well." " How long was I away ? " " Twenty minutes." " I don't believe it." " Try to have a little more faith in me Mr. Garibaldi. You must return now. Your friends are anxious. Do you feel strong enough to pilot your shuttle ?" " I guess so." " Good luck in your search." *************************************************************************** ******** Michael stepped out of the shuttle expecting an assault team but only Sheridan awaited him. " Did you find anything ?" the Captain asked. " Yeah I did ." " And ?" " She's alive." Sheridan could see the other man's eyes flick nervously from side to side expecting.....Who knew what ? " When do you want to leave ?" Sheridan continued. " Sir ?" without thinking Garibaldi had automatically lapsed into the military form of address. " I'm assuming that you want to go and find her. Do you really believe that I leave you locked up here ? I'm not some kind of monster Michael, and I don't know why you see me that way." There was that question again ' Why ?' Michael had said many things to explain his behaviour but deep down he didn't know the answer. He'd tried to analyse the feelings but for some reason his mind couldn't focus on the problem. When exactly had he stopped believing ? " So now you're saying you trust me ? Change of heart or are you just feeling guilty ?" " Stop this Michael ! Someone we both care about is missing I suggest that we put our differences aside until we get her back......Deal ?" Sheridan offered his hand, slowly the other man reached out. *************************************************************************** ******** She hadn't dared to sleep again, but they hadn't given her any choice, flooding the chamber with gas and now......now she was in this godforsaken place. At least she had some idea of time, the sun was at its zenith......It had been low on the horizon when she had woken here. A cage, there was no other word for it, open to the elements. A dish of what could be food, a bottle of water, a bunk, a bucket. There were similar installations lining a long road. Susan thought that she could see movement in some of them, but it was difficult to be sure. In the distance she could see a cluster of buildings. Didn't look large enough to be a settlement, although she had seen a single shuttle fly overhead. A research station.....its design was similar to others she had seen. It was hot, searing, blazing heat. Her clothes, what she still wore, were soaked. The rank smell of sweat clung to her nostrils. Drained of strength, she lay still, breathing shallow. Caged, there was nowhere to escape. She didn't know how long she lay there, but eventually thirst made her move, just enough to reach the meagre water supply and pour a few tepid drops down her throat. Again she had been left alone. No interrogation, just that one visit. Despite the torrid air she found herself shivering. They had wanted to accomplish something, test her response. After Susan had torn herself away the other woman had simply risen to her feet, smoothed her skirt and left. So much like Talia, but it wasn't, Susan had to keep reminding herself. Memories of love and pain....... She snapped awake, the dreaded cycle of dozing and waking had started again. The sun had set and the temperature had changed drastically. Susan hastily pulled on her clothes. Her fingers touched something cold. Ice had formed on the metal that made up the bars of her cage. She huddled against the back wall, curling up under the meagre protection of her jacket. No, it was too cold. She walked, walked her feet off that night. Practically collapsing when the sun started to rise. At least she was still alive, at least she could sleep during the heat of the day....... She lay on the bunk, curling up with her face to the wall. SUSAN ! She was asleep again, had to be. MICHAEL, IS THAT YOU ? She answered. SUSAN I CAN'T SEE YOU. " Michael, Michael, " she found herself whispering, calling. A hand on her shoulder....the familiar gentle touch. " Michael, oh God. How....?" It wasn't time for words. She practically leapt into his arms, her mouth savagely on his. He responded but......It didn't feel quite right, he pushed her slowly away. " I'm on Epsilon 3," he explained, " What happened ? Where am I ?" " I was hoping that you could tell me that. " " The last thing I remember was being on the White Star and giving the order to fire on the Centauri war ships, then I woke up on some ship and then here. I don't know what happened to the rest of the crew." " Maybe you're somewhere on Centauri Prime ?" " No, the climate's wrong. Last night was so cold I was scared to sleep, but you can feel it heating up already. Its not one of their colonies either.....not with that sun. Lets face it I don't know where the hell I am. " " Have you seen anyone else ? " " No." " Hold on, I'm going to get here somehow. You promised me dinner remember." " I remember." She couldn't keep the disappointment from her voice. When she had seen him first, she had actually dared to hope. His arms went about her, pulling her close. " Susan, promise me you'll hang on until I can get here." " I promise. God speed." He melted from her sight. *************************************************************************** ******** " Why did you lie to him ?" She was back. Seemingly unaffected by the heat of the day, cool, dangerous. " You said you had seen no one." Susan said nothing, turned away, her face towards the wall. If she looked at this woman she knew what the response would be. Feelings of love and compassion, she couldn't afford that. " I think you're worried, my dear. If he knows I'm here he might forget all about you." It had crossed her mind. Michael had been infatuated with Talia , just as Susan had been. She didn't know if she was more scared of losing Talia or losing Michael. A cool hand caressed the back of her neck. Susan cringed away. " What do you want from me ?" she spat. " If that's the way you want to be. I really thought we could have a little fun before getting to the messy business of interrogation. You've disappointed me Susan , Michael really must have been good.....What a wasted opportunity." " Get to the point." " Old age is making you impatient my dear." " What do you want ?" Susan repeated, screaming the words this time. " Do you remember the night we first made love ? " " It was the only time and it wasn't you." " You can have her back. Give us what we need and she'll be yours again." " She's dead." " Susan." The voice had subtly altered. Susan turned in surprise. The woman standing behind her was Talia......the real woman not the Psi corps abomination. The two women didn't move, just stared at each other, afraid to speak, to touch. " You see, " Talia had gone. " She's still here." " Bitch," " Don't try to insult me dear. We have your ship.......The White Star......." " What did you do with the crew ?" " Use your imagination. Everyone knows trying to get information out of a Minbari is impossible. Humans are far more....tractable. The ship won't respond to us, but it will to you. Gain entry for us, teach us about its systems. " " And if I do this you'll give me Talia." " Yes." " No way. " " So you'd sentence her to death ?" " Why don't you ask her what she'd have me do ?" " Oh dear......I'm so sorry Susan. I really didn't want them to hurt you." *************************************************************************** ******** From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against the Dying of the Light 4/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:52:32 -0500 Rage Against The Dying of The Light 4 by Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. SPOILER WARNING up to episode 7 of Series 4 .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . " That's just the problem, I couldn't be sure, " Garibaldi shook his head. " Its important you remember every detail Michael, " Lyta told him. The telepath entwined her fingers with his, her face a mask of concentration. " A red sun.......larger than Earth's.....Gravity slightly higher than 1G....breathable atmosphere, oxygen content slightly lower..... Look at the sky Michael......There's a star, possibly another planet, five degrees above the horizon.....two moons, barely visible.......I'm sorry that's all I can see." " Thank you Lyta. It should give us enough to start," Sheridan reassured her." You okay ?" She smiled and nodded, " Detailed scans always take it out of me. You have a remarkable memory Mr. Garibaldi." " Part of the job, " Garibaldi answered without thinking. " Or was," Sheridan couldn't help himself adding. Garibaldi found himself shifting uncomfortably in his chair. 'Old habits die hard,' he told himself. It was going to be difficult to remember that he wasn't security chief any more. He grinned to dispel the awkward moment but the bitter disappointment was still plain on Sheridan's face. " I'll feed that information into the database and we'll see what we get out," Michael added. " How are you progressing ?" The Captain jumped, he had been so absorbed in what he they were doing that he hadn't heard Delenn and Marcus enter the War Room. " Hopefully we have a place to start, " Sheridan replied." If we find Susan we might find who has the White Star. " Garibaldi felt himself tense as he overheard the conversation, but he choked the anger back down.. He wasn't naive enough to believe that he could find Susan without the Captain's help and getting into another argument would likely end up with a trip to the brig. If they could only hear themselves, a ship was more important than a human life. Michael had only been aboard the White Star a few times, the last being just before Sheridan had left for Z'ha'dum.. Susan had really been mad with him for helping the Captain. Good thing she hadn't found out about the bombs until it was too late otherwise he would have been space dust. Would Michael have done the same thing now ? Probably not. Back then Sheridan had been his friend.......'This is stupid', he told himself, 'you're thinking like a nine year old.' Michael leaned back in his chair, running his hand over his scalp. This may take some time, there were a lot of planets out there. At least he was doing something, a couple of steps closer. Michael actually found himself smiling, sitting here, in the War Room, he almost felt as if he was still working for Sheridan. For a moment it wasn't as bad as he remembered...... Damn, what was he thinking ? He didn't work for Sheridan, he hated Sheridan, he worked for.........He recited it like a mantra. " Searching." the computer voice replied to his query. Dimly he could hear the others discussing ships, schedules, supplies but Garibaldi didn't feel driven to join in the conversation. He was annoyed with himself for the slight relaxation in his animosity towards the Captain. " I should come with you," Marcus protested. " Someone has to stay here," John told him. " If you find the White Star you'll need some help piloting her." " I did it alone at Za'ha'dum." There was desperation In Marcus' voice, he couldn't let them go without him. It wasn't fair, he cared about Susan too. His anguished glance fell on Delenn. The Minbari woman, inclined her head. " I will stay John," she announced. " Are you sure ?" She gave him a look, " I am more than capable of being left in command." " I didn't mean...." " Of course you didn't John. Marcus will go with you and I shall remain here. I promise to be gentle with the human crew." John didn't try to argue anymore. It did make some kind of sense, besides it might be prudent to have someone to watch his back.. There it was again, the deep suspicion of Michael's motives. He wished he didn't feel that way but he couldn't help himself. " How long is this going to take ?" he asked Garibaldi. " Could be a couple of hours ." Their eyes met. Friendship or enmity, trust or suspicion. ? " Give me a call as soon as anything comes through," Sheridan ordered. " There's a few things I need to take care of." ************************************************************************ *********** Zack Allen, shifted nervously from foot to foot. He didn't like being called to the Captain's office. It was another thing he was adding to his most hated list. A list that had grown alarmingly over the past few weeks. If only the Chief would come back to work....He had to stop thinking that, it wasn't going to happen, not now. " I can't just go digging into his personal stuff," he told Sheridan. " Keep your feelings out of this Zack. You're Chief of Security now." " Don't I know it." " What was that ?" " Nothin' sir." " You want to prove his innocence right ?" " I guess so." " Well this is the only way you can do it. I don't know how long we are going to be gone but it should give you plenty of time." " Yes sir." " Dismissed." Zack left the room as quickly as he could. Now he knew how Lyta felt sometimes, like being a resource to be used when wanted and dismissed when not. That's what the Chief had complained of too. Hell, however was he going to explain if Garibaldi caught him. At least the man was going to be out of the way for a while. Zack didn't find that reassuring, sometimes Garibaldi just knew things. Delenn entered the office a few seconds after Zack's departure. She ruffled John's hair affectionately. " I'm curious," he said suddenly. " Why did you speak for Marcus ?" " Because if you left him behind he would have followed." " I don't understand." She sighed, it had been clear to her but sometimes John could be a little dense about these things. Marcus Cole was in love with Susan Ivanova. The poor man was eating himself up inside, trying to deal with his feelings. Couple that with the fact that he probably blamed himself for not accompanying Susan and the result was an emotional time bomb waiting to go off. " He feels guilty," she said eventually, deciding against telling John the other reason. If anyone was going to do that it would have to be Marcus. She wondered briefly how Susan felt about the Ranger. It was obvious that she returned his friendship but not his love. Human feelings were so complicated; where exactly did Mr. Garibaldi fit into this picture ? She was so glad that her relationship with John was simple. Two people, both of them in love. " But.....," he protested. Delenn put a finger on his lips, " You are the one who should not be leaving John." " What the hell is that supposed to mean ?" " Marcus and Mr. Garibaldi are more than capable....." " Forget it.......She's my friend Delenn. I feel like I've lost my sister." Delenn allowed a frown to crease her brow. " Excuse me for interruptin'....," Garibaldi's voice interrupted. The couple jumped apart, then smiled at each other. " Has the computer come up with something ?" Garibaldi had that look in his eye....the 'I've solved a mystery' look. " Three probable's, one maybe. We were lucky, most inhabitable worlds orbit class G stars, this one had to be class K. Now I'm assuming the two moons I saw are it. If there are any more we could be lookin' in the wrong section of the galaxy." " So four systems....Can you break it down any further ? Are any of them in Centauri territory ?" "Yeah, but I don't think that's it. I'm goin' with my gut here but I'd say this one......." " Wasn't there a human colony there ?" " Yeah, mining , mineral resources were good especially quantium 40. It was abandoned about fifty years ago because the planet was supposed to be unstable. " " So ?" " So I dug up a geological survey. Sure there are a few areas where it wouldn't be good to spend your vacation, but no worse than Earth. The mines were still producing, there was no reason to shut them down. It smells like there's something else goin' on down there." " And the Centauri ships ?" " Just a ruse to put us off the scent." " How far away ?" " A day's jump. " " Grab whatever you need. I'll meet you in the docking bay in 30 minutes." " Aye sir." Delenn looked thoughtful as Garibaldi hurried out of the room. " He seems different," she observed. " Yes I know," John agreed. " Just then he was like he used to be. " " I am glad. Maybe the two of you can be friends again." " I hope so Delenn." John had his doubts. Even if the man did appear to be behaving normally he still had to ask himself why ? ************************************************************************ *********** The stars, he couldn't stop staring at the stars, urging the ship to go faster. It seemed hours since they had left Hyperspace and started their approach to the system. Sheridan couldn't risk taking the White Star in too close so he had planned to use a shuttle for the final approach. The opening of a jump point would gain nothing except announce to all and sundry that there was an intruder in the skies. John Sheridan and Michael Garibaldi stood side by side, a familiar camaraderie. " I'm scared we'll get there and find a corpse." Sheridan looked at the other man in surprise. This had to be the first time Michael had voluntarily started a conversation. John cleared his throat, unsure of what to say. Michael obviously needed to talk to someone....anyone. " Don't even think that !" Sheridan replied.. " Forget the rabble-rousing speech, I'm not in the mood." For a second John had thought that the real Michael was back. If anything Garibaldi's behaviour was becoming more erratic. There was an uncertainty about the man......as if he had been cut off from something. The Captain was never sure whether he was going to be treated with intense dislike or friendship. " Sorry.......You come back from the dead and its expected of you." Michael smiled slightly, " I can't believe I was so stupid. A quick roll in the sheets with Ivanova an' suddenly everything was going to be sunshine an' roses. Dammit but I thought we'd have a little longer." " Everyone does." There was that ever present note of regret in Sheridan's voice, softened though it had been by his relationship with Delenn. John knew, God how he knew. Anna...the name still caused a twinge of pain. Not for the woman who had died at Za'ha'dum but for the woman who had been his wife. He still wondered what her final hours had been like, what her final thoughts had been. Garibaldi turned away, embarrassed. " I'm sorry about Anna.....," he muttered. "I don't think I said so before." " It's all right Michael,........She died a long time ago, I've said my goodbyes." Silence, what more was there to say ? The first steps towards rekindling their friendship had been made and Sheridan was satisfied.......for now. He moved away meaning to leave the room quietly, not willing to break the fragile bond with any unnecessary words. " They're hurting her." Garibaldi said suddenly, his voice cracking. " You OK ? " Sheridan grabbed his friends elbow, scared that Garibaldi was going to keel over. " Yeah....but she's not. " " Go prep. the shuttle for launch. I'll round up Marcus." Garibaldi didn't wait to acknowledge the order. He needed to get out of there, away from the Captain's sympathy. The pain, if he couldn't bear it how could she ? It ripped through his body again, darkening his vision, he staggered against the bulkhead. One of the Minbari crew approached, concern etched into her delicate features. He waved her away, pushing himself upright. With immense concentration he banished the pain to a dim dark part of his mind. The part that had forced him to go on when all he had wanted to do was give up and die. There was something else living there now. It told him to encompass the pain, use it to fuel his emotions. For a second Sheridan's face floated in front of his eyes, a focus for hatred. ************************************************************************ *********** " Please restrain yourself Commander Ivanova or you will hurt yourself." The room was small, grey. Susan realised with horror that she had been here before, in his dreams. " Why not ?" she yelled, why shouldn't she hurt herself...it would save them the bother of doing it themselves. " We have orders." " Who's orders ?" " We can't tell you that." " What do you want from me ?" The door slid open, three men in black entered. Susan backed away but they moved towards her slowly, resolutely. She screamed as they touched her, their minds assailing her own. Every ounce of her strength was instantly flung into keeping them out but they pushed their past her hastily erected barriers. Dimly she could feel her skin being bruised, blood trailing a hot, sticky path down her face. Her mind was beginning to dissociate herself from what was happening to her body. Someone was screaming...she wondered who. Someone was asking questions...Mildly curious she speculated on who was supposed to be answering. Someone was hurting...She didn't know how they could take the pain. Blackness beckoned. She felt herself being dragged out of the room, out into the heat of the day, back to that damn cage. She closed her eyes, trying to disperse the waves of pain that crashed through her body. A gasp escaped her throat as she eased her body into a more comfortable position. " Susan," her voice again. " Its me." " You're dead." Ivanova replied. It was an illusion, it had to be. " She's given me so little time.....Let me help you." Soft hands wiped the blood from her face. Susan wanted to push her away but she did not have the strength. " I....I won't tell you." " Hush....I know." Susan couldn't stop herself relaxing under the other woman's touch as the wounds were washed and bound. It was another form of torture. Giving her what she knew she could never have. " Please don't, its been too long ," she gasped as Talia attempted to draw her close. She didn't want to see the hurt on the telepath's eyes. " Michael ?" Talia asked sadly. " Yes......." The blond woman frowned. " Susan, there's something you need to know. Michael isn't who you think he is. They've.....changed him," she said. " How ? What did they do ?" Talia shook her head, her features becoming pained. Oh God......Susan had known, deep down, that something wasn't right. She had tried to ignore the darkness that had been growing within him. For a second she felt like she had been sleeping with the devil She remembered his gentle touch, the whispered words of love. " It's not too late," Talia said. " Not for him." " And you ?" "You must help him Susan. Promise me that." " I promise and thank you," Susan found herself saying. Talia smiled, the real woman, beautiful. She tenderly wrapped a blanket around Susan's shoulders then a touch, a caress, arms holding her close. Susan felt unwelcome tears on her cheeks. Maybe it would be better to end this quickly, without the pain and suffering that she knew was before her. The death of hope would destroy her. For a second blackness surrounded her, there were figures, watching waiting. A blatant reminder that this was not 'her Talia'. Michael....He was close, she could feel him. As long as he didn't do anything stupid. He couldn't come here, not now. " Wait," Susan prayed. ************************************************************************ ******** The sun had just set when the shuttle made its final descent through the atmosphere. Michael found himself smiling a little. This flight reminded him of the one he had taken with Sinclair on Mars. It seemed one hell of a long time ago. He glanced at his companions, wondering if Sheridan would have given him the same chance Jeff did. But wasn't that what the Captain was doing now ? He had the feeling that John would rather be piloting the shuttle than sitting as an impotent passenger. Michael's argument had been sound. Sheridan may be one hell of a Starfury pilot but when it came to atmospheric flying Garibaldi had the edge. Flying low over the hills and mountain ranges, Michael used what he could of the failing light to augment the instrument readings. He couldn't afford to turn on the running lights although, at present the chances of anyone detecting them was low. The cluster of buildings they had spotted from orbit stood on a highland plateau but the surrounding mountains should provide the cover they needed. Michael didn't mind flying by instruments alone but as night well and truly fell he was forced to gain a little altitude. He hoped that the shuttle was still below the level of standard scans. It was a relief when he spotted the feature he had been heading for; a canyon just below the plateau. As the shuttle dipped for landing the occupants couldn't help feeling a touch of claustrophobia as the walls grew above them. The landing was accompanied by a flurry of red dust. " Nice flying," Sheridan muttered as he pulled off his harness. " Thanks," Michael replied. " We'd better get out of here while we still have the advantage of dark." Marcus added. There was something in his tone of voice, a desperation that Sheridan hadn't noticed before. He frowned to himself, come to think of it Marcus had been pretty distracted ever since Susan had gone missing. The Captain wondered why he hadn't noticed before. Too many other things to worry about probably. " How far ?" Sheridan asked. " About five miles." Garibaldi replied, pulling a cap over his head and picking up his pack. " Lets get going then." Marcus urged. The night was still, quiet, lifeless. Despite spending so much of their lives in the cold hostility of space all three men felt a vague sense of depression as they stepped onto the surface of the planet. For some reason they felt more isolated. There was something unnatural about standing on a world so far away from another human being. In space you expected it and somehow the stars were more friendly than the forbidding mountains. Sheridan signalled that they should move off. They walked in silence. Garibaldi found himself looking briefly at the stars. Two moons chased each other across the sky, but he ignored them as his eyes searched desperately for the dim point of light that represented home. He paused a moment to regain his bearings. The frigid air was painfully familiar. He could feel the cold seeping through his jacket. He glanced at his companions; shadows, drifting through the night. The three men were dressed in black, their faces darkened. When the sun came up they would regret their choice of clothing, but for now it warded off the cold and kept them invisible. They were moving quickly, eager to cover the required miles before day break. Sheridan leading, followed by Marcus, Garibaldi covering the rear. They saw no one. The terrain was rough and it took them a couple of hours to reach their destination. They stood at the base of the cliffs, speaking their first words since leaving the shuttle; " You reckon we can climb it ?" Garibaldi asked, surveying the cliffs. " Not in this light." Sheridan decided, " I suggest we wait for sunrise. " " Why can't we go round ? There must be a way up !" Marcus argued. " Our responsibility is to get to Susan as fast as we can.......Garibaldi ?" Marcus turned to the other man, certain to gain support. Michael looked doubtful. He caught Sheridan's eye. There was a certain logic to Sheridan's words. They were so damn close. Could he actually wait ? He reached out, feeling her thoughts. There was no longer any pain, but...there was someone with her. The note of warning was clear. " It could be miles away. She's safe for the moment. The Captain's right, we should wait. " he said, surprised by his own words. " I thought you were supposed to care about her !" For a second Garibaldi seriously considered punching Marcus but he fought the urge. " You're right I care about Susan an' I'm sorry if that disrupts your plans, but I'm not gonna be any use to her dead. If we march in there guns blazin' that's how we'll end up." he spat. The Ranger turned away, his thoughts bitter. ..... another sign of Garibaldi's instability. Desperate to find her one moment, the next willing to wait. This sudden relationship with Susan was probably a result of his disappearance, not built on the true affection that was claimed. Marcus admitted that he was jealous. Who wouldn't be given the circumstances ? But he suspected there was something else driving Garibaldi, especially now that the man seemed to be meekly following the Captain's orders. " We'll rest here, try and grab some sleep. " Sheridan ordered, " Michael take first watch." ************************************************************************ *********** Marcus left the rough camp as quietly as he could, sure that any noise he made would be masked by the Captain's snoring. He glanced back at the other men, huddled under their thermal blankets. As he did so his foot caught on a pebble; Garibaldi twitched but did not wake. The walk from the shuttle and the emotional strain had taken its toll; both were sound asleep. Marcus couldn't rest, not when he knew that Susan was so close, if only he could get to her. Part of him knew that this was some naive stunt, that even if he did find her , she wasn't likely to be grateful in the way he wanted. " Stupid, stupid, stupid, " He found himself muttering. The night was colder than he remembered. For a second he wished that he had thought to pick up his blanket. There was little light, the moons having set some time ago. He didn't think he'd ever been anywhere so dark. Even the mines where he had once worked had not been a dismal as this place. For a second Marcus considered going back, but he thought of Susan and stumbled on regardless. He had lost track of distance when he found a rudely built road. Glancing at his watch he estimated that he had been travelling for about an hour. In this terrain that corresponded to a distance of perhaps two miles. Marcus swore to himself. If they could have been bothered to carry on they would have found Susan by now. He wouldn't admit to that he was practically exhausted, that the extra miles in the cold had drained his strength. The training he had undergone to become a ranger should have prepared him for this. He had to admit that he wasn't as fit as he could have been. Pure devotion was driving him now. Devotion to a woman who, if she had any choice in the matter, barely acknowledged his existence. Without doubt he knew that he loved her more than Garibaldi ever could. He would do anything to keep her safe....it was that simple. The road stretched up for at least a mile. Marcus glanced in the opposite direction but he couldn't tell where it came from. He assumed that the original mining settlement lay in that direction, with the scientific outpost occupying the plateau. Dim lights picked out his path, warily he began to climb. ************************************************************************ *********** " He's nowhere in sight." Garibaldi said as he scrambled back over the rocks. " Nothing in that direction either. Shit...he could be miles away by now. We've wasted enough time looking for him." " I'll second that." The sun had risen an hour ago, waking both men. With Marcus gone they had slept longer than they had wanted. Sheridan's first instinct had been to see if the man was in the general area, so they had delayed longer while initiating a search. The cliffs looked even more formidable in the daylight and the sun was beginning to make its presence felt. They had removed their heavy garments, stripped to shorts and vests, but were already sweating. Pulling on their harness' they settled their packs on their backs and started up the cliff. There was no time, no breath for words, just the inarticulate groans associated with straining muscles. There was little else to think about apart the movement of the body, the sweat dripping down the back, the heat of the sun. The ultimate expression of teamwork. Two men roped precariously together, Sheridan did allow himself a smile at the irony of their situation. If he couldn't trust Garibaldi now when could he ? When it came to the crunch Michael had pulled through for his Captain, Marcus had not. John couldn't help but mention the fact when they paused in a convenient ledge. " Before we left someone said somethin' ," Michael smiled, slightly. " I guess my behaviour has been a little.....strange." " That's one word for it." " I still can't explain it John, I wish I could. Every time I saw you, spoke to you.....I just wanted to rip your lungs out." " And now ?" " I'm controlling it better. " " But you still don't feel comfortable around me ?" " I know, that's why you have to promise me somethin' ." " Of course." " If I do anything that's going to endanger you, Susan or the Station you have to stop me." " But....." " I mean it......Kill me if you have to." Sheridan could sense Michael's fear, that somehow he would hurt the people he loved. There was only one answer the Captain could give, however much it might hurt, " I promise." the words forced themselves from Sheridan's lips. God forbid that the Captain ever had to make good on his pledge. Garibaldi nodded and gestured upwards, " We'd better get goin'. Don't want to be danglin' from this rock at midday." " Tell me what happened ?" Sheridan asked suddenly as they started to climb once more. There was no immediate reply. The sounds of Garibaldi following were silenced. Then a voice. " I get flashes.....I see a room, grey, cramped. They ask me questions I can't answer. Like they want me to remember something and I can't. Its as if they're givin' me some kind of test." It was easier this way. His thoughts distracted by physical effort. " I don't think they want me to remember. Maybe they did something to me an' they're wanting to make sure I forget." " Who ? " Sheridan asked. " Who are they ?" " The men in black." ************************************************************************ *********** " So what are you doing here ?" the man in black enquired mildly. " Holiday," Marcus replied, " but I'm a tad disappointed, looked better in the brochure." He got a kick in the groin for his pains. As he dropped to the floor, writhing in agony, he cursed himself for the three hundredth and fifteenth time for leaving Sheridan and Garibaldi. The Psicops had picked him up as he had attempted to cross the perimeter. They'd dragged him into one of the buildings and dumped him into this room. Why they didn't just scan him, Marcus didn't know. Maybe they already had. If so why the stupid questions ? Expressionless eyes met his own. Uncaring, cold...he looked on Marcus as an insect. No, some kind of work animal, bred to do his bidding. Groggily Marcus climbed back to his feet. Great help he'd been to Susan. He was so damn close. The man walked towards him; Marcus got the feeling that the time for simple questions was almost over. " What are you doing Brin ?" a woman's voice snapped. She was standing by the door, tall, blond, harshly beautiful. " We detected him at dawn." " And ?" " All I can get from him is the woman's name." She turned her attention to Marcus, " I don't know you," The Ranger remained silent. He got the feeling that this woman was far more dangerous than Brin. For a second he thought that he should recognise her. There was something very familiar....He'd seen a picture, somewhere in the Station records; " Talia Winters ?" he exclaimed. " Well done, " she smiled. " Maybe you can help us Mr....?" " Cole, Marcus Cole," Brin supplied. " Go to hell," Marcus interrupted. " Never say never Marcus. We have Susan and don't pretend that she's not the reason you're here. We also have your ship, but we can not use it. Quite a simple problem. Can you find a solution Marcus ?" He stared at her in horror as the implications of her words sunk in. There was silence. She was not going to restate her conditions. " You'll kill her, Mr. Cole. We can even arrange for you to pull the trigger," Talia smiled. He ran his hands through his hair, could he ever make Susan appreciate how difficult this decision was ? Her blood on his hands was not something he could live with but he would not betray all that she believed in. Slowly, he shook his head. " Think about it," Talia told him, signalling to her companion that they should leave the room. " Are you sure you can't just take the information from him ?" she continued once the door was closed. " He has a highly trained mind. I can't get a clear image. If it was Earth technology maybe I could make some sense of it but the Minbari set up is very different from our own. I could maybe perform a few basic functions but it's all irrelevant if I can't find the code to let us on board." Talia frowned. The problem was more serious than she anticipated. If a telepath couldn't understand what he saw in another's mind he couldn't use the information. One consolation, Cole's mind had been easier to enter than Ivanova's. Despite Talia's own familiarity with Susan the woman's mental shields had remained impenetrable. It was almost as if there was someone else there providing reinforcement. Returning her attention to her patiently waiting subordinate Talia asked ? " Anything else Brin ?" " Two others Ms. Winters. The Captain and the former Security Chief," he replied. " This is better than I could have imagined. I expected the cavalry but not such a prime target." " What are we going to do with Cole ?" " Give him what he wants. Bring him to room 5." " Yes ma'am ," Brin returned to the room as Talia walked away. He waited for Marcus to acknowledge his presence. When nothing was forthcoming he gave the Ranger a solid kick in the ribs. Marcus gave an involuntary groan, bringing a smile to the telepath's face. " Move," he told the other man. " And if I decide I like it here ?" " We have something for you. Might make you change your mind." " Susan ?" Damn, he hadn't wanted to join in there little games. Unwillingly he felt his body move. He was led down a bleak corridor to another identical room. " Oh My God !" again sounds were forced from him. She was there, crouched in the corner of the room. He saw her flinch as he rushed towards her. What had they done ? What had these bastards done ? Naked, bruised, trembling, small terrible sounds coming from her throat. He hesitated before touching her, giving her time to realise that it was friend who now shared her prison. Her eyes looked right through, as if she was expecting someone else. Slowly, very slowly recognition dawned. He pulled off his cloak so he could cover her nakedness, bringing her to rest close against him. She wasn't crying, but the whimpering sounds did not stop. " Its all right," he whispered. " They won't hurt you any more." Empty words, but gradually she relaxed against him. " Garibaldi and the Captain will be here soon," he continued. " Don't let him near me," she whispered. " Who ?" " Michael, he did it. He betrayed us all. Get me out of here," she begged. " Susan there may only be one way out." " No ! The White Star....the White Star is here." " There aren't enough of us to fly her. I know most of the systems can run on automatic but we can't cope with a combat situation." " I want that chance." He didn't know what to say to her. More meaningless phrases ? He had been hoping that Sheridan and Garibaldi would find them but if what Susan said was true ? There was such hope in her eyes. He found himself considering her suggestion. Going through the necessary steps in his mind for boarding the ship and setting up the automatics. " If we get the chance, I promise we'll make a run for the White Star," he told her. " Thankyou Marcus." Her hand caressed his whiskered cheek, brushing against his lips. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was naked under the cloak. This wasn't the time for those thoughts. Her eyes met his, for a second he couldn't fathom her expression. There was something not quite right. She bent towards him, he knew what she was expecting. He kissed her. The world shifted and the blond woman pulled away from him. " Very nice Mr. Cole, and thankyou for your ship," she said. He couldn't reply. His hand moved to his mouth trying to wipe away the sensation. The other telepath came back into the room, " What now ?" Brin asked. " Let him go," Talia replied. " And the woman." " Cole can take her. We have all we need." Her superiors would question that decision, but Brin snapped to attention and moved away. Sympathy ? A sign of affection ? A salute to the woman she had once been ? Talia did not know. She looked at Cole with disdain. Poor, weak fool, it would have been a mercy to kill him. Now he had to live with the guilt of what he had done. Talia found herself laughing. The two telepath's left the room, leaving the door invitingly open. Marcus couldn't force himself to walk through. If he did that he would be admitting that he had helped them. What had he been about to do ? He felt violated, guilty, physically sick. Now they were letting him go. Why ? It didn't make sense. What had they actually done to him ? His sense of betrayal was stronger now. He could never tell anyone, in that they had won something from him. The one thing, as a Ranger, he prized above everything....his honour. There was still Susan. He had to get her out of this place and they were going to allow him to do it. The door stood open. Unsteadily, Marcus walked towards it. ************************************************************************ *********** " She's here," Michael said as the two men moved silently among the cluster of buildings. The words were akin to a prayer, an invocation of thanks. " Where ?" Sheridan asked. Michael turned about slowly, " This way." There were others, sentient beings stored like animals. Suddenly the rescue mission had taken on a new urgency, Susan wasn't the only one who needed to leave this place. " Go find her," Sheridan ordered. " I'm going to see what I can do about the rest. This is a standard EA research station there should be a shuttle pad a kilometre to the west. I'll meet you there." Garibaldi nodded, moving silently away. Typical Sheridan, he made the ideal messianic figure, he really did believe that he could save everyone. That's why people followed him, into fire, into death. The words of the Minbari rebirth ceremony came back to him with startling clarity. His own words to Delenn, 'I'm afraid, all the time, of what I might do if I ever let go.' If he couldn't control the forces that strove to dominate him the consequences would be too terrible to contemplate. He couldn't let go of who he really was, John Sheridan's friend, Susan Ivanova's lover, not the man who had brought pain to them all. Then he saw her. Doubt was swept from his mind as he abandoned all pretence of stealth in his efforts to reach her. One second he was running, the next shooting away the lock with his PPG, the third sweeping her up in his arms. She kissed him so hard that he felt blood in his mouth, he almost allowed him to be immersed in the intensity of the moment. She felt thinner than he remembered.... how many days had it been ? He pulled away, just to give himself the luxury of looking at her for a few seconds. Her hair, was matted and tangled, bruises stood out on her face and on the patches of skin that showed through her torn uniform. She touched his cheek wiping away something that could have been a tear. " We have to go," he whispered, " Can you walk ?" Susan nodded. She was weak, he could tell. Her footsteps were unsteady as she stumbled along beside him. They tried to move rapidly but Michael found himself slowing the pace down. He could see the shuttle pad, across a stretch of open ground. There were several craft, seemingly deserted, as the rest of the complex had been. It was making the hairs on the back of Garibaldi's neck stand up. " John," he called softly as they moved among the craft. There was no reply. He felt Susan's hand slip into his own, solid, reassuring. " No one here ?" Ivanova questioned. " How very astute." Garibaldi's hand tightened convulsively about Susan's as he recognised the voice. Figures shimmered from the shadows. Their leader removed her mask. " Black light camouflage," she smiled. " You're looking well Michael, better than when I last saw you." " Where's Captain Sheridan ?" Ivanova demanded. " Your concern is touching." Sheridan was dragged forward. There was something in his eyes, Susan felt it too. It was happening again, someone had known they were coming. He couldn't help it, Sheridan's eyes settled on Garibaldi. Susan caught the look, surely the Captain didn't think......The cold fingers of suspicion crept their way into her heart. Slowly she released his hand. He glanced down, confused, " Susan....you can't think that I'm part of this." Talia laughed, " Its time for us to lose our little illusions Mr. Garibaldi." She walked towards him. Garibaldi reached out to Susan, willing her to help. A single word pierced his brain. " Please God no ! Don't let it happen......Susan help me !" He was screaming. She was there, in front of him, grasping his hands so hard he thought they would break. " Michael fight this, Michael......" Susan's voice, it was fading, dying. " Michael listen to me....I love you." Events started to move slowly. Sheridan struggled free of his captors, wrestling a gun from one of them. " Do it John," Garibaldi managed to gasp. " No!" Susan screamed, knocking the weapon out of Sheridan's hand. Then, her face in front of him, pleading, though he could no longer hear the words. " YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO ?" " YES," The fighting had stopped. Michael stood straight, pushing Susan away. Calmly he drew his own weapon, " Michael no !!" she screamed. He did not even turn his head. The blast hit Sheridan in the chest. Susan couldn't scream , she couldn't move. The body hit the ground, struggled to rise, twitched for a few painful moments. John Sheridan, Starkiller, lay still. His murderer looked on impassively. " What about her ?" someone asked. " Leave her, we have all we need.....occasionally we keep our promises," Talia's voice. The group of telepaths started to move away, bearing John's body. Michael went amongst them. An inarticulate cry tore itself from Susan's throat. Sick, tired, alone, she knelt in the dust of that alien planet and cried her guts out. Arms slid round her, helping her to her feet. " What happened ?" Marcus' voice asked. At first she could say nothing. The tears had stopped but she kept on making big, ugly , wounded noises in her chest. " They're dead, Marcus," she told him. " I don't understand." " Take me home." He carried her to the nearest shuttle. ************************************************************************ *********** -- Ruth King From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against the Dying of the Light 5/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:50:43 -0500 See part 1 for disclaimer. Spiloer warning for beginning of Season 4 Delenn smoothed the fabric of her robe over her knees, finding herself studying the intricate weave of the fabric. She could hear Marcus' words but her eyes showed little comprehension. John was dead....Mr. Garibaldi had murdered him. However the words were expressed they made little sense. " How is Commander Ivanova ?" Delenn asked. " She's still suffering from malnutrition, dehydration, a certain amount of shock," Marcus replied. " I can imagine. She and Mr. Garibaldi were closer than any of us realised." " And you Delenn ?" She looked away from him, " I do not know. That John has gone...that I have lost him again......maybe this way is better." " I don't understand ?" It was not that Marcus' words brought any relief. How could she explain the conversation she and John had never managed to have ? Sometimes she had doubts . Would he let her help him through those last days ? To watch his body shutting down would be the most terrible thing either could imagine. The thought of leaving each other forever had lingered in her mind more often than she liked to admit. Sometimes she wondered if her own strength would fail, that she would draw her last breath along with his. " Marcus, John is dying. Lorien told me that he had twenty years at the most. I think he would rather lose his life aiding his friends than fade away to nothing and I would rather it was that way too. You must go now Marcus. I need to observe certain rituals, " She told him. " Are you sure there is nothing I can do ?" he asked. " Lennier will aid me. You must comfort another." She stood and moved away from the Ranger, running her hands through the crystals hanging from the ceiling. Their delicate chimes filled the air but to Marcus it was a dirge. Others might have wondered how she could remain so calm; Marcus knew Delenn better than most. Her hands shook ever so slightly as she turned to light a candle. Her eyes glistened with tears as she knelt before it, the Minbari words of mourning tumbling from her lips. The music that was her voice sounding her own funeral hymn for John. Marcus placed his hand on his chest, bowing from the waist. He knew that Delenn was suggesting that he went to see Susan but he wasn't sure if he could face her. She was alive, but he was wondering if the price they had paid was too high. He could never tell her what he had done. All he had given them was a ship, a piece of technology, nothing else. He had to keep reminding himself of that fact. Surely she would see that a human life was more important. Unlikely, Susan was not a very forgiving person. How they had found out that Sheridan and Garibaldi were also on the planet he wasn't sure. Maybe Garibaldi had given that piece of information to them. He hoped that she wouldn't do anything foolish. He pushed his guilt to the back of his mind, as a friend it was his duty to go to her, however he was received. His conscience wouldn't allow anything else. *************************************************************************** ******** Love dies, friendship dies, everything dies. She didn't bother to turn on the lights as she entered her quarters. Her body was weary, her mind even more so. The words played over and over in her mind. " Susan Help Me." She hadn't been able to, just as she had never helped her mother.....Talia. That's all she felt from him now. Those three pain-filled words. There were so many things that she wanted to do, scream, cry, get drunk, find the next available man and screw his brains out. But she didn't, she just sat in the dark and remembered. Every touch, every kiss, every happy memory was marred by what he had done. Was it her imagination or did everyone stare at her ? Even now, alone, she could almost hear their whispers. " That's her......." " ......Didn't even realise," " She could have stopped him....." They were right she could have done.....somehow. If only she'd loved him a little less, if only she could stop loving him now. That was the worst thing. She had known, they all had, that Michael wasn't right, and she'd still let him crawl into her heart; though she suspected that process had started long before he flew to meet the Shadow threat. The door signal sounded. The Commander of Babylon 5 reasserted herself as Susan rose to greet her visitor. " Something I can do for you Marcus ?" The Ranger stood just inside the door, looking for all the world as if he regretted being there. " I just wanted to see how you were feeling." She gave a hollow laugh, and reached for the vodka bottle. " I'll go if you really want me to Susan........" She did not answer, just gazed into the depths of the clear liquid. For a brief second she could feel Michael again....." Susan Help Me." Nothing but echoes. " Is there something you want ?" Marcus asked, then wished that he'd phrased the question differently. " I want him here, now. But I can't have what I want so I'm going to get drunk, smash a few things, including you if you don't shut up." " Susan...." He placed a hesitant hand on her shoulder. The heat of her body was sending shivers through him. She wasn't crying, something else was making her shake. He wanted her to shed tears, only then could he provide the comfort he was sure that she needed. His eyes were burning holes in her back. She hated it when he did that, staring at her, his gaze following every movement. " I just want you to leave me alone," she said quietly, trying to keep her anger under control. " You have to know that I care about you Susan," he protested. " And you thought that with Michael gone you could just pick up where he left off ?" Her voice was still low as she turned, looking at him. She took a step closer. " This what you want Marcus ?" Marcus closed his eyes as she reached out her hand, entwining her fingers in his long hair. He didn't give a damn about her reasons as he lent into the caress. Her mouth was close to his own, " Right now I could do this," she breathed. " I just want you," it sounded like he was begging. There was pity in her eyes. She kissed him gently, once, on the lips before moving away. " Find someone else," she advised. He stood waiting but she didn't speak again, just sat on the couch, slowly sipping her drink. Eventually Marcus had no choice, he left Susan's composure cracked as soon as the door slid shut. She knew she'd treated Marcus badly but she'd never asked for his infatuation. Maybe he had come here to offer sympathy but part of him had to be glad that Michael was gone. She closed her eyes trying to find some remnant of what she and Michael had shared. All that remained was the pain of severed mental connection. It had hurt when they'd dragged him away from her, his mind had been screaming and all she had been able to do was stand there and beg him to stay. There was another annoying beep. When would people leave her alone ? " Come in ." " Commander," Zack Allen stood outside. He didn't show any inclination to step into the room. " I'm sorry about the Chief," he said. " I thought....aw hell....He brought you this. " She took the gift. The red rose clasped in her hand, running her fingers over the delicate structure. She pulled a single petal from the bloom, letting it slip to the ground. *************************************************************************** **** Michael Garibaldi had been to this place before. " Make yourself at home," she smiled at him. His eyes were blank. " We were worried about you. We thought you were no longer our friend." " The corps is mother. The corps is father," he replied automatically. " Very good Michael you remembered." " I remember everything." " Good. Now, tell us about Babylon 5 Michael. " " I killed John......Captain Sheridan." Talia frowned. This was dangerous. The subject wasn't responding as he should. His gaze turned inwards, his body shaking. " He was the enemy. You had no choice. He would have killed us all." " Killed us all," he mumbled catatonically. " That's right. Very good Michael." Somewhere deep within pity stirred. He said what he was supposed to but the words were no more than conditioned reflexes. She recalled the part of her that had once cared for this man as a dear and trusted friend. Her telepathic sense, caught his confusion, a strong self-loathing, and....a woman's name. He was still calling out to her and while he did he would never lose himself completely. " Tell us about Babylon 5, Michael. Tell us and I'll take the memory away." " Why ?" he asked. " So we can finish this. Help us." He felt the gun in his hand again, saw the blood spurt, heard Susan scream. The vision came to his mind unbidden, augmented. He could feel John's agony. " Rest a while Michael," Talia told him. " We'll talk again later." " No...you can't leave me....not with this," he pleaded. " Later ," She just smiled at him, before strolling out of the door. He cried after her, begging for her to stay. The sequence of events ran through his head again. Was she going to leave him like this ? He couldn't stop the vision, block the pain. It repeated over and over. Every detail clear, intense. Feeling the heat of the sun, the still, dry air....For a long moment the gun was poised in his hand as he fought the whispers. Then Sheridan reeled backwards, fingers clutching at his chest. Twitched spasmodically. Lay still. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. It came to him suddenly, blurred by pain..... The gun was in his hand, Sheridan fell backwards. Michael Garibaldi realised that he had never pulled the trigger. *************************************************************************** *** " They still expect him to come back." Susan Ivanova said to Zack Allen. They were standing on the bridge above the Zocalo. The crowd seethed beneath them. " He did it once," Zack added. " Did he Zack ? Did he really die on Z'ha'dum ?" Zack didn't reply. He wasn't the type for philosophical discussion. Ivanova cast her eye over the crowd once more. Occasionally, one of them would glance upwards. She wished she had their faith; wished that she could hope. Garibaldi had taken that from her too. " Was there...was there something you wanted to talk to me about ?" Zack asked, hesitantly. She looked at him as if she'd only just realised he was standing beside her. Zack felt a chill run down his spine. There was something in her eyes....despair, complete and utter despair. He thought he was going to have to speak again but she took a deep breath and replied; " I need you to let me into Garibaldi's quarters." " Commander, if it makes things easier for you, we already conducted a thorough search..." " I know but you didn't find anything." " You know what the Chief....Mr. Garibaldi was like, if he kept some record of contacts we ain't gonna find it." " I will." Zack privately thought that letting her in there was going to be a mistake but he wasn't about to argue with her. " Do you want me to stay ?" he asked as they paused outside the door. She didn't reply. Zack decided to hang around, just in case. Susan walked into the room slowly. She expected him to there, cooking or watching cartoons. She ran her hand along the work surface, a thin layer of dust stained her fingers. This was harder than she thought. If Zack wasn't here then she would have been tempted to throw herself on the bed and burst into tears. The last time she had been here....she had been so damn happy. " Computer, access communications records at this terminal, " she ordered. " Required records have been password protected." the computer intoned. " We tried this Commander, couldn't find the password." Zack interrupted. " Password peek-a-boo," Susan told the computer. " Voice print over ride Commander Susan Ivanova." " What !" A small smile played over Susan's features, Michael had always said that no one would guess....He was so cute when he was right about something. She hated the twist that her emotions insisted on taking. A warm fond memory was the last thing she wanted. Information was scrolling across the viewscreen, nothing going out except... " Computer hold !" Susan ordered. She sat down heavily on the couch. Part of her had still hoped that this was all a terrible dream but it was written there in plain Interlac. Dimly she could hear Zack's voice asking if she was all right but she couldn't answer him. The date was right, the morning she had left the Station, the damn co-ordinates; where the hell had he got them from ? But anyone with Garibaldi's experience could have found the record of the distress call. " He did it," Zack whispered. " I see it but I don't believe it." " You have too much faith, " Ivanova replied. " I'm surprised he didn't delete the message." " He may have had other things on his mind." Zack wasn't quite sure if she was making some kind of joke, so he continued; " What's all the stuff after ?" " Unanswered messages. " " Maybe we should see what they're about ?" " I don't want to see anything else. " She got to her feet an headed towards the door. " Commander...." " No Zack, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know how much you think he cared about me, how maybe it wasn't his fault. God, he betrayed everything we built here....He betrayed me and no its not something I can forgive...Whatever his reasons may have been. " Zack didn't try to stop her again. His gaze returned to the viewscreen. Those unanswered messages were bugging him, could have been that gut instinct the Chief was always on about. " Computer, play message 1." The Babcom symbol vanished to be replaced by fractal patterns and shifting lights. Zack watched them in fascination. There was something hypnotic....he tore his eyes away. Instincts working overtime he raised his link to his mouth; " C an' C, put me through to Lyta Alexander." *************************************************************************** ******** Marcus Cole almost ran into the man as he left his quarters. He would have walked straight past, but the stranger put out a restraining hand; " Mr. Cole." It wasn't a question. Marcus shook the hand from his arm. Only now did he take a good look at the other man. He was smartly dressed, obviously not a usual visitor to this part of the Station. " Something I can do for you ?" Marcus replied coldly. " Since you mention it, there is. The planet you have just returned from is very important to us and we would dearly like to keep it....intact. " " Your talking to the wrong man. " " No, I'm not. You were given a gift. If you don't co-operate I can very easily arrange for it to be taken from you." Susan......the bastard was talking about Susan. If he hurt her.... " Noble thoughts, Mr. Cole but what would she think if she knew about your little....indiscretion ? That is why you were allowed to leave. That is why you will help us. " " Help you do what ?" " Stop them coming back and no, we don't care how you do it." Marcus was silent. It was taken as assent. *************************************************************************** ******** " I want him out of my head, " Susan exclaimed. Stephen Franklin placed a hand on her shoulder, willing her to regain her composure. She pulled away from him, " You have to understand what the effects might be," he pleaded. Her silence spoke volumes. Stephen cursed his own stupidity. Of course she knew the consequences, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try to talk her out of it. It was hard not to concede to her wishes. She was distraught. Hysteria having replaced cold unacceptance, pacing before him, fingers running through her dishevelled hair. " I want the sleepers Stephen. " " One dose, " he compromised. " Like I gave Garibaldi, just enough to let you rest." Susan nodded and rolled up her sleeve, ready to accept the injection. It wouldn't be enough, not to keep him out forever. No problem. When it wore off she would just pester Stephen until he gave her more. Putting her foot on the path towards self-destruction had been easier than she had thought. First the enhancement of her telepathy, now her decision to dampen those powers. The telepathic centres of the brain were not the only areas affected by the drugs. Long term exposure created depression, suicidal impulses.....death. But she couldn't carry on knowing that her mind was open to him. Last night had been....There were no words for it. He had been there. In her mind, in her body. " It will take a couple of hours to reach its full effect," Franklin told her. There was no sensation at first. The syringe hissed and she imagined that she could feel the cold liquid seeping under her skin. A whisper, that she had hardly been aware of ,seemed to fade...die. For the first time in too many weeks she suddenly realised that she was totally alone. " Susan, Lieutenant Corwin said I might find you here.....What is happening ?" She turned at the sound of the voice, Delenn stood in the doorway. The Minbari woman felt confused. Was Susan sick ? She did not appear injured in any way. Why was she in Med. Lab. Delenn moved to stand before Susan.; " You didn't answer my question Commander," Delenn repeated. " I'm doing what I have to, in the interest of security." " Its a drug," Franklin interrupted. " Susan wants to break her telepathic link to Michael." " Will this work ?" Delenn asked. " Oh yes, but it will eventually kill her." "Dr. Franklin please leave us." The Doctor did as requested. Delenn took a few steps towards Susan, concern etched into her pale features. " Susan listen to me...," she pleaded. " He murdered John. Maybe you have a different definition of the word traitor but in my book Garibaldi qualifies," Ivanova snapped in reply. " I don't know how you can be so damn calm. It wasn't so long ago you were starving yourself because John wasn't coming back from Z'ha'dum. Now I see him die and you stand there as if nothing's happened." The woman took Susan's hands in her own. " Our pain is great and terrible. We see it every movement, hear it in every word we speak. We shut ourselves away from those who want to help, to understand. " " It hurts so much Delenn. " " I know Susan. Maybe I am the only one who can In your heart you do not blame Michael but those that took him from you. They took John too. I feel like they have taken my life, leaving an empty shell that breathes and talks. " Delenn spoke the last words with a bitter passion. John had been taken from her twice and she no longer knew if she could forgive the universe for doing that. Somehow Z'ha'dum had been different. She had known that John was going there to die. This time she had expected him to return, however slim the chances may have been. Maybe she had started to believe the rumours that John Sheridan was invincible. Susan's was a different kind of pain. She had experienced loss, isolation, fear and now the agony of betrayal. Was it really any surprise that she wished to escape ? But Delenn couldn't allow that, just as she couldn't permit herself the surrender to grief; they still had tasks to perform. " No more drugs," Delenn ordered. " I have realised that suicide is not an option that either of us can embrace. We are needed. The battle with the Shadows is over but we are still at war. Your government has a White Star ship. " " The blueprint for a fleet," Susan realised. " Eventually they will discover how to access the systems and make the ship work for them. This we must prevent, and your link to Mr. Garibaldi may be useful to us. Susan I know this will be painful for you but in honour of John's memory....." Could she let Michael back into her mind ? Into the place where it was still acceptable to want him...to love him. " I'll do what I have to Delenn. " " After we will mourn our loss." Susan nodded, there would be a time to grieve and a time to sleep forever. *************************************************************************** ******** " So they have access to White Star 5 is that what you are saying ?" Susan snapped. " Yes," Marcus replied. He looked steadfastly into her eyes. This had to be the most difficult thing he had ever done. It wasn't something he could fight with his Minbari pike. The decision to speak had been easier than he had expected, as much as the threat to Susan scared him. " Do you know what they are hiding ?" Delenn asked him. Her calming presence provided a welcome diversion from the fire in Susan's eyes. " No, but something has them scared. I think we have to go back." " I agree.... Susan ?" " Very well. " " You and Marcus should leave immediately." Delenn had no desire to stay on Babylon 5, but her duties would not allow her to leave the Station at this time. Someone had to give the impression that there was still some hope and she did not believe that Susan was capable of that feeling at present. " I'll meet you in the docking bay in one hour," Susan told Marcus. Marcus had expected an objection, but she just shoved back her chair and left the room. He followed; " Susan....for what its worth I'm sorry," he called after her. She paused and gave him a tight lipped smile, " At least you had the guts to tell us. " It was more than he had expected. As she walked away he couldn't help feeling some sense of relief. Yes, she was angry, but it looked like it may not be a permanent fixture. *************************************************************************** **** From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against the Dying of the LIght 6/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:51:44 -0500 See part 1 for disclaimer Spoilers for beginning of Season 4 He had been left alone for forty-eight hours, John Sheridan's death playing through his mind. Helpless. Despite the pain, despite the disorientation, there was one fact that he desperately tried to cling on to.....He had not killed his friend. However much they had hurt him, played with his mind, they had not managed to make him betray himself completely. Same damn cell, same damn voices. He refused to listen. He sat on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest. This time there was no anger, no rage. He was resigned to his fate. They could take the information from his mind if they really wanted to. Susan was safe, it was all he really cared about. The door slid open, his eyes were dark as he glanced up at his visitor, " I knew you'd come back," he said. She didn't answer at first, there was disappointment in her face, as if she'd expected more than quiet acceptance. " You were more amusing last time," she said eventually. " I'm sure I was," there was the suspicion of a smile about his face. " I'm tired Talia, just do whatever you came to and leave me in peace." " Is that what you want Mr. Garibaldi ?" That vague smile again. He shut his eyes, not wanting to look at her, it hurt too much. Whatever method they chose, he found himself hoping that it would be quick. He could hear her footsteps as she walked closer, her fingertips brushed the back of his head. A gesture of sympathy ? He doubted it. For some reason it made him think of Susan. After they had made love, lying in each others arms, his head pillowed on her breasts. He could feel her steady breathing, feel her heart beating. One perfect moment. If he ever wanted to feel her again he couldn't sit here giving in to depression. His eyes snapped open and he sprang to his feet. Talia had little time to react as his hand shot out, grabbing hers, twisting it behind her back. " You're not going to hurt me, Michael," she gasped. " I wouldn't bet money on it. There are several reasons I can think of." " Michael....," the voice had changed, no longer arrogant. " Talia ?" He turned her round to face him, in her eyes he only saw pain. " My God....What ?" Michael exclaimed. " She's still here, waiting. She knows you won't hurt me." Michael tried to speak again but Talia stopped him, " You have to listen. Sheridan...." " Is dead." " You didn't kill him Michael. He's..." She broke off with a cry, her body sagging against his. " No Talia....Fight this, you have to tell me what happened," he urged. She was fading away from him. Raising his hand he slapped her across the face. The scream was the most terrifying sound that Garibaldi had ever experienced. He clamped a hand over her mouth, afraid that the noise would bring some unwanted attention, but it went on and on as she clutched at him for support. He locked his arms round her trying to still the convulsions, the implanted personality must have weakened just for a moment; enough to allow Talia to fight for control. She remembered the moment Lyta had activated that other personality. Talia had screamed as loudly as she could; willing someone, anyone to hear her. She had been smothered, raped, murdered. She fought, lost but somehow survived, a slave to be called upon when needed. The sensation of being able to see, hear, touch, all without being able to influence the world around her. Susan had come to see her, Talia had heard her voice lie. No one had heard Talia's sobs or seen her tears. And Michael ? He had every right to hate her but she only saw love and regret in his eyes. He must have felt her die when she had collapsed in his arms. Garibaldi was no telepath but he had been holding her and the last thoughts must have forced their way into his brain. It had distracted him long enough for the new woman to grab his PPG. He'd dragged her from that room; her features twisted, insane. Talia was back in control but she could still feel the cold presence lurking in the back of her mind. There was no telling how long she'd have, how long before the other personality resurfaced. When she finally looked up sapphires had replaced the steel of her eyes. Garibaldi couldn't stop himself smiling as he brushed the sweat darkened hair away from her face. He said nothing, holding her close to him; slowly and carefully she returned the embrace. " Are you OK ?" Michael asked. " I...I think so." " Are we being monitored ?" " I...she was watching ," Talia answered. " No one else, she was confident that she would be able to break you...like she did before." " Was I really that easy ?" " You didn't kill Captain Sheridan. She couldn't make you do that." " It doesn't make me feel any better." " Listen Michael, you had already broken the conditioning so she had to do something else. Do you remember Jason Ironheart ?" " How could I forget." " He gave her....me a gift. Part of it....I can make people see what I want them to." " You're saying it was an illusion ? John's alive ? Where is he ?...Are you well enough to get us out of here ?" She nodded and moved away from him. " If we meet someone take your cue from me. I'll try to protect you from their scans," She told him. " Let's go," Michael acknowledged. Cautiously she led him into the corridor. *************************************************************************** ******** " My God ! Who did this ?" Garibaldi exclaimed. " I did." Talia said, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. " John...John....Its Michael." John Sheridan was dimly aware of the voices. He stirred slightly in response, pain coursed through his muscles. The last thing he remembered was staring down the wrong end of Garibaldi's gun. Then events had become confusing. Susan had let out a shout, the gun fired but the shot went wild. Garibaldi's hand had been shaking so much that he didn't have a chance of hitting Sheridan. In fact John would have sworn that he never saw the other man's finger tighten on the trigger. The Psicops grabbed Sheridan and started to drag him away. He cried out but not one of his friends took notice. Garibaldi stood there like a man in a trance; Susan like she was about to collapse. John had struggled but to no avail. Now he was tired, he hurt and he wasn't sure if he could trust the two people who appeared to be rescuing him. His breathing was ragged as he struggled to rise. Garibaldi was quick to come to his Captain's aid, offering a supporting arm. Sheridan found himself leaning against the other man for a second. " Careful Captain." Garibaldi cautioned, " I think you may have broken some ribs." " You're stronger than you look, Talia," Sheridan gasped. " Are you....?" " She's herself...." " What happened ?" " Near as I can tell Un-Talia couldn't make me kill you so she created an illusion. She also thought she could control real-Talia but she was forced to release control when she thought I would damage her. Un-Talia didn't have as much control over Real-Talia as she thought. She probably believed she could turn her off and on like a switch...If you'll excuse the expression." " You'll have to explain it to me again later......How about you ?" Garibaldi's facade of cheerfulness slipped and John got a glimpse of a terrified man. Someone who wasn't sure who he was. Someone who could no longer trust himself, but his reply had that characteristic flippancy; " You had to ask, now quit the stupid questions an' let us get you out of here." " Lets go then." Sheridan freed himself from Garibaldi's supporting arm and led the way towards the door. Walking was harder than he thought it would be; pain stabbed through his side, his breathing laboured. He heard the others follow, matching their pace to his. Talia managed to recover their equipment, which gave them the comfort of being armed. They moved as rapidly as they could through the corridors but Sheridan had to stop and rest on several occasions. They paused at a cross roads while Sheridan caught his breath. " This place is like a maze," Garibaldi muttered. " The surface buildings only represent a fraction of the capacity of the complex," Talia replied. " What's it here for ?" " They're headed this way...I can feel them. Come on." Footsteps could be heard, ten maybe twenty people. Grabbing Sheridan by the arm, Talia led both men down a narrow side corridor. Her face was creased in concentration as she tried to detect the thoughts of those in pursuit. It was a standard search pattern, they were being chased deeper into the complex. John was really suffering now and Garibaldi had taken over the task of supporting him. " We have to get out of here," Sheridan coughed. " There is no place to go," Talia protested." They've driven us as far as they can. Its only a matter of time." " What about that ?" Sheridan pointed to a panel flush with the floor. " It just leads to the underfloor access tunnels. " " Sounds good to me," Garibaldi added. Kneeling down he studied the panel. The access was old and little used. Garibaldi was surprised that it operated smoothly. He dropped through the gap finding himself in a dark, cramped tunnel, carved out of solid rock. He shouted for the others to follow. Sheridan's fall was less controlled, he staggered, slipping into the trickle of water that flowed through the cavern. Coughing again he tried to rise. " Any ideas ?" Garibaldi was asking Talia. " West, it may take us outside." The panel above them slid shut, cutting out the light from the corridor. They stumbled along for what amounted to a coupled of miles, although it was difficult to judge the distance in the pitch blackness. Eventually they had no choice but to stop and rest. John more or less collapsed, falling into a deep and dreamless sleep. He was wheezing painfully even in rest. " How far ?" Michael asked. " Another couple of miles." " We might as well stop for a while. Why don't you get some rest ?" " Its too cold." She moved towards Garibaldi, resting against him. " This is better, " she smiled.. Garibaldi shifted uncomfortably. He put a nervous arm about her shoulders. " Can I ask you a personal question ?" she continued. " Sure." " If it had been me not Susan would you have come all this way ?" " What kind of question is that ?" " For two years I have been in hell and I thought that maybe someone would have tried to help me." " Talia, Bester told us you were dead." " And you believed him !" " He had no reason to lie." " No it comes quite naturally to him...like breathing." Garibaldi couldn't reply. His thoughts turned inwards. He had been lucky, if he hadn't had Susan, Zack......He didn't know what he would have been capable of doing but it frightened him more than any Shadows, Vorlons or the dark unknown. Even now he wasn't completely sure that his mind was free, maybe it never would be. " It's funny," Talia said. " What ?" Michael answered. " You and Susan, I never thought that you were her type." Michael felt a flash of annoyance. He had allowed himself to forget the relationship between the two women. Talia was looking at him, studying him. Was she jealous ? He grinned to himself, she had every right to be. " I'm sorry Michael." Talia said, sensing his dark thoughts. Raising her head she gave him a light kiss on the cheek. Here he was, Talia Winters in his arms and he had no desire to take advantage of the situation. He must be further gone than he thought; more deeply in love with Susan than he could possibly have imagined. There in the dark, he began to wonder when it had started. He had always liked being with her and there was no doubt that Susan Ivanova was an extraordinarily beautiful woman. There was something deeper than physical attraction. In some ways he felt that she could understand him in way that no other person could. It wasn't just a result of their experience with the Dust, he knew that now. They were similar in many ways. Neither had had an easy life, both understood, heartache, obsession. Susan had thrown herself into her career while Michael had dived headfirst into a bottle. Both trying to escape from the reality of those they had lost. He remembered first seeing her, stepping off the transport. Dressed in civilian clothes, she had seemed so young, so fragile, hidden behind a mask of pure steel. He had recognised it because it was so much part of himself. Over the years he had gone out of his way to turn himself into someone she could trust, before whom she could let the mask slip a little. He had never imagined that he was falling in love with her. The moment he had realised was etched forever in his memory. That transmission from the future, watching her die.....he had viewed it time and time again, willing himself to be wrong. He realised then that he would do anything to prevent those events from occurring, even stay behind while the others went to Babylon 4. His distress at Jeff's departure had been offset by his joy when Susan had returned safely. Then everything had gone crazy, hell it still was. But somewhere along the line he and Susan had finally found something worth living for. Now...now she would probably never speak to him again, that was if she didn't shoot him on sight. He could hear himself pleading for her to understand, reaching out to touch her.....There was no reply. All he could feel was his own vague sense of unease, somehow he knew that it was linked with Susan. He pushed thoughts of her from his mind. His mission now was to get the Captain back safely, then....then he just didn't know. It was cold, the damp chill was seeping into his bones. He couldn't sit here much longer, neither could he afford to sleep. " I'm going to stretch my legs," he told Talia, releasing her. She did not reply, although he knew that she was not asleep. Michael experienced some misgivings as he moved further into the darkness. Could he really trust Talia ? Was John safe alone in her care ? He silenced those doubts. If she was going to betray them she would have done it by now, still he had to wonder. Was it his imagination or did the darkness diminish a little as he rounded the first bend. Curiously he carried on, it wasn't his eyes playing tricks, there was definitely a light, enough to see that the tunnel split into two. Cautiously he moved towards the source of the illumination. At first he thought it might be daylight, but as he moved closer he realised that the cold glow was artificial. The tunnel ended in a fissure less than a foot across. He knew he should really go back to the others but his curiosity got the better of him. Bending he looked through the crack. His heart seemed to stop for a few terrifying beats as his eyes refused to register the view spread out before him. The crack in the rock seemed to be placed in the wall of a huge cavern. He could just make out the far wall curving away, the floor spread out beneath him. There were men working, silently...telepathically. The White Star was sitting below him, serenely beautiful and......black....there were black ships. He pulled himself away, finding relief in the cold, dead darkness. The urge be violently sick was strong but he valiantly forced down the nausea; being inside one of them, the blackness invading the cockpit of his Starfury, invading his soul. The living dark. He could almost hear the whispers; but these ships weren't alive, not yet. The realisation struck him like a physical blow, he actually felt himself crumple up inside. This is what they had planned for Susan and all the other prisoners on this Godforsaken planet. They were going to put them in these ships. Those found on Mars and Ganymede had only been the beginning. Archaeologists must have been digging them up for years and the Psicorps had secreted them here. Waiting to understand and use the technology. Now they had another to study, the White Star, more easily controlled and duplicated. Used in combination it would be the deadliest fleet in the known worlds. Without meaning to Michael Garibaldi broke into a run as he stumbled back towards the others. *************************************************************************** ******** John Sheridan's expression hardened as he cast his eyes over the vast cavern. Drawing back from the opening, he turned to face his two companions. The pain and discomfort were forgotten for the moment, pushed to the far recesses of his mind. " You didn't tell us about this," he accused Talia. The woman shrank away from his angry stare, instinctively moving closer to Garibaldi. " Come on John, " Michael replied. " We haven't exactly had the time for a major discussion." But the Captain had turned back to his brooding contemplation. Michael felt Talia's hand briefly squeeze his own, thanking him for his support. He fought with himself in an attempt not to acknowledge the gesture. It was becoming more difficult to maintain his previous indifference to her presence. " Michael, I want you and Talia to find your way to the surface, " Sheridan ordered. " No way am I leaving you," Michael protested. " You have to release those other prisoners." " And what exactly do you have planned ?" " A surprise." " Would this be the time to point out that what you're about to do is stupid and I should go instead ?" " I'd be disappointed if you didn't." Garibaldi rolled his eyes to the ceiling " What the hell. I didn't want to explain how you managed to come back from the dead a second time anyway. " " I thought I could find a white robe and you could suspend me above the gardens." " One problem....we're fresh out of harp music." The look that passed between them said more than words possibly could. John vividly remembered the last time he had seem that expression on Michael's face; just before the departure for Z'ha'dum. John found himself smiling. Now, if never before, he knew his friend was back. " I'll give you four hours to get clear." " Yes sir......and good luck." " You too." The noise of the couple's departure soon faded into the distance. Closing his eyes, John eased himself into a more comfortable position and waited. Hours passed slowly. He founds his thoughts continuously drifting to Delenn. He took comfort in recalling her sweet face, her musical voice, the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed. How had she taken the news ? With acceptance ? With denial ?. He didn't want to think about the pain he would be causing her. There were happier memories. Like the time he had made dinner for her....It must have tasted foul but she had just sat there, eating it, that wonderful patient expression on her face. Damn, his legs were cramping. He stretched carefully. He loved her so much, more than he would have ever thought possible. Everything she said, everything she did was filled with a quiet grace that could be both reassuring, and terrifying. He laughed to himself in the darkness, that moment when she had lead the Minbari fleet into the skies above Babylon 5. The earth fleet had turned and fled, all she had done was speak to them. He remembered thinking 'thats my girl !'. John was tired, so damn tired. Everything just seemed to hurt. He glanced at his watch...not much longer now. In retrospect he knew he should have given Michael a message for Delenn. It might have helped her cope with the grief. No, dammit.....He had come back from Z'Ha'dum there was no way he was dying on this planet. He was going to live every moment of his twenty years. Instinctively he knew that it was time. He pulled himself to his feet, wincing as the pain of stiffening muscles made itself known. Maybe he should have assigned Garibaldi to this task but he wanted someone to keep an eye on Talia Winters. Sheridan still didn't quite trust her apparent reversion and in his own weakened condition he wasn't sure he could defend himself if his suspicions came to fruition. He looked once more through the gap in the rock. There were fewer people now. As long as he kept his thoughts schooled and out of direct line of sight they shouldn't be able to detect him telepathically, not with any accuracy. Sheridan must have scraped off a layer of skin when he squeezed through the fissure into the larger cavern. He immediately crouched against the wall, making himself one with the shadows. The area before him was clear. Taking a deep breath he took his first step towards the White Star. The skin of the ship was warm beneath his fingertips, evidence of its living status. Rapidly, he tapped the access code for the main cargo hatch. What he wanted was there. Nestled securely in the heart of the ship. He tried not to pause, to stare with longing at the ship which reminded himself of the one he had destroyed at Z'ha'dum. It took him a matter of minutes to make the adjustments he required. Adrenaline was blocking the pain but the relief wouldn't last forever. He felt it encroach once more as he exited the ship. The crack in the cave wall now seemed to be a long, long way away. " Hey !" the voice broke the unnatural stillness of the cavern. John broke into a run, but the footsteps behind him were too close. There was no other option but to turn and fight, he was damned if he just let them take him. Denying his pain John spun and jumped, firmly planting his feet in the chest of the other man. They crashed to the floor. John didn't try to run. He pressed home his advantage, straddling the man's chest and knocking him senseless. Then he was running again, forcing himself through the rock, ignoring the new agony that racked his body. It was doubtful that he could get far enough away but one thing drove John Sheridan past the pain. Delenn, and his own determination to return to her again. If it could help him back from the dead it would guide him out of this place. There were signs of pursuit. Figures blocked the dim light shining from the cavern but John blundered on. *************************************************************************** ******** From: Ruth King <101646.276@compuserve.com> Subject: Rage Against the Dying of the Light 7/7 Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 14:51:16 -0500 See Part 1 for disclaimer Spoilers for beginning of Season 4 There were only half a dozen of them. Thin, gaunt, pathetically grateful for what he was trying to do. Susan had only been here a few days, he didn't like to think how long these people had suffered. In fact he would have been surprised if some of them had been unable to walk, never mind make the journey to the shuttle. There was a strength about these people, and indefatigable determination to seize the chance for freedom. Talia had guided them through the perimeter defences although Garibaldi had again been struck by the lack of guards. He had asked Talia but as she had merely shrugged, where did these people have to go ? The shuttle pad was well protected and there was nothing else on this planet. The desert would not support life for very long. They seemed to travel for hours, the pace slow and halting. Michael had an inkling of what Sheridan had planned. He knew they needed to get as far away as possible. The self distruct mechanism packed quite a punch. Sheridan shouldn't have any problem slipping aboard and triggering the device. In the fourth hour it happened. Garibaldi had guided his charges into a nearby cave, hoping to shield them from the blast. Even so the bright light nearly fried his eyeballs, followed slow agonising seconds later by the shockwave and something else. The torment of an animal in its last throws of life. Michael found himself opening his eyes to stare at the dust cloud. Was it his imagination or was something writhing deep in its midst ? Silence returned, quiet descended on them like an all-encompassing shroud. Slowly Michael left the secure darkness of their refuge. He was conscious of someone beside him....Talia, her hand seeking his. It was something he was barely aware of. All that was running through his mind were thoughts of John. Had he managed to get clear in time ? Was he subscribing to the theory that John Sheridan couldn't die ? He found himself hoping that it could be true. Slowly, very slowly, the others emerged and stood beside him. Their eyes looking to him, expectant, waiting for him to make the decision to take them all home. He wanted to wait, give his friend every chance....very well, he would return them to the shuttle. There at least they would have food, water, a place to sleep in comfort. He led them forward without words. Could his mind really be that numbed by what had happened ? He was tired now, more exhausted than he had ever been before. The mental, the physical all seemed to crowd in on him but he led them on stoically, until the familiar lines of the shuttle made themselves known through the gathering dusk. The shuttle was crowded so he elected to sleep outside. To keep watch he said....But who was left to watch for ? Michael still wanted to give John the chance to come back to them. He was aware of her approach, although he chose to ignore it. There had been a time when he would have welcomed her standing so close. " They want to know when we are leaving ," she whispered. " Not yet," He replied. " Michael they are tired and sick. They want to go home. You can't wait for Captain Sheridan forever." " I know that." " He can't have survived that blast." " First Commandment of the church of Sheridan...He's only dead when I see his body and check his pulse." " You have great faith." " Yeah, maybe he's finally given me something to believe in." A low laugh escaped from Talia's throat. He flashed a puzzled look in her direction. " You've changed Michael," she explained. " I was wrong about you in so many ways." " What ways ?" He asked. She didn't reply as she reached towards him. Taking his head in her hands she kissed him gently on the mouth. He tensed at her touch, pushing her away almost harshly. " No Talia," he snapped. " Michael, I've been alone so long...." " I know an' I'm sorry about that but as you said....I've changed." " Susan ?" " Yeah." " Do you really think that she will ever accept you again." " Probably not, but I'm not going to throw away what little we might have left." Talia's expression was unreadable. There was almost something cold about her gaze, a glimpse of that other woman. Any thoughts Garibaldi may have had along those lines were driven from his mind as there was the distinctive scrape of a shoe on a rock. Instinctively Michael pushed Talia behind him, but his apprehension was short lived. The familiar figure of John Sheridan came climbing over the rocks. The two men faced each other. A long drawn out second as their eyes met and they enveloped each other in a wordless embrace. *************************************************************************** ******** " I was at the base of the cliff when the destruct mechanism detonated.....must have protected me from the worst of the blast," John explained. " And the guys that were following you ?" Michael asked. " They weren't so lucky they assumed I had headed for the road but I found our ropes and took the short cut." The Captain coughed weakly. Michael couldn't help wondering how the hell the man had managed to make his way back. They had to get him to a doctor and soon. It was a days jump to Babylon 5 and that was after a three hour trip to the nearest jumpgate. They still had two hours and thirty minutes of that journey to make. Michael tried to keep his attention on flying the shuttle but exhaustion was closing in. How long had it been since he had slept for more than a few desperate hours ? The night before Susan had come to his quarters ? Or was it earlier than that, before John had left for Z'ha'dum. Wordlessly, Michael set the flight co-ordinates allowing them to break out of orbit and set course for the jump gate. He had made a promise to himself that he was going to see her, even if it was for the last time. Maybe he could explain, perhaps she might even listen. There was still the question of trust. Even now he couldn't be sure what they had done to him. Were there other fragments of programming floating about his brain ? It gave him the perfect excuse to escape this madness and run to a place where he would never hurt the ones he loved. Funny, for the first time in his life he didn't want to. He wanted them to be by his side and help him through this, if they could. Risking their lives was something else, and that's what he would be doing if he stayed. He glanced over at his captain. The man appeared to be resting at last. John closed his eyes. He knew that Michael was relieved to see him but in his heart he knew that his own life had been unimportant. Those ships could not have been allowed to leave the ground. That technology in the hands of the enemy would have signalled the end of everything they had fought for. Still, there was a certain satisfaction to be gained from blowing the damn things to kingdom come. There had been something satisfying about that boom. Now, in a few days, they would be home. He would be back in Delenn's' arms and it couldn't happen a moment too soon. " Jump point opening !" Garibaldi's sharp exclamation snapped John out of his reverie. " Where ?" " Three klicks off the starboard bow. If it's an Earth ship there won't be a damn thing we can do about it, they'll blow us out of the sky." They could do nothing but watch as the blue glow lit up the heavens. *************************************************************************** ******** Susan shifted uncomfortably on the Minbari bed; she had been hoping to get a few hours sleep before jumping out of hyperspace. Why did they make these things so damn uncomfortable ? She had heard that it was something to do with Minbari anatomy but she secretly suspected that it was Jeff Sinclair's idea of a joke. A thousand years away; it was just about where she wanted to be right now. Under normal circumstances she loved being out here, in command of her own little world. It was what Susan Ivanova had been born for. She had a daydream that, when this was all over, the Minbari would give her one of these ships. The rest of her life could be spent exploring the stars. For a short time she had hoped that Michael would share that dream. Lyta had said that he was under psi corps control and he wasn't responsible for his actions. The telepath's words had just about destroyed everything Susan and Michael had shared. How could she believe in anything he had said or done ? He should never have let them take him.....he should have killed himself. In Susan's mind that was the only option. She didn't stop to think that they may not have let him die. " Susan ," Marcus' voice came over the communication system. " Yes," she replied somewhat harshly. " We've just made the jump." She knew she should have been on the bridge but it was not something she could deal with right now. Somewhere she had lost the will to command, along with the ability to trust her own judgement. " And ?" she snapped. " And surface scans show signs of a thermonuclear explosion." " Any life signs ?" " No, but we've picked up a shuttle. They're in the bay. I think you had better come see for yourself." The cold band tightened around her heart. Michael was on that shuttle. Dispassionately she checked the charge on her PPG, put on her jacket and left the room. She paced the corridors in calm even steps. It took two minutes to reach the shuttle bay. If she felt anything as she stepped through the door it did not show in her composed features. Michael was there, helping another man out of the shuttle.....John Sheridan ? " John ?" the words forced itself from Susan's lips. Pain, astonishment, fear all twisted in that one syllable. It was some other Psicorps trick.....it had to be. Slowly, she released her PPG from its holster. The last thing the two men were expecting was to be looking down the wrong end of Susan Ivanova's gun. " Susan, what is this ?" John asked. " Move away from him," she ordered. " Put the gun away Susan, there's something we need to explain." " He betrayed me and very nearly killed you John. We found the messages they've been sending him." She tried to ignore Garibaldi, resisting the urge to look into his eyes. " It wasn't him. Talia explain to her." John argued. The blond woman descended the steps from the shuttle. Susan took a step backwards so she could cover all of them. Talia moved to stand beside Michael, resting a protective hand on his arm. " I warned you Michael. She isn't going to believe anything we try to tell her." " Talia...," John protested. But the telepath was silent. Taking a deep breath John started to walk towards Susan, coming between Michael and the gun; " They changed him Susan, but they couldn't take everything away. He still loved you and he didn't shoot me. Whatever else they made him do you have to remember that." " Get out of the way John." " Give me the gun Susan." Michael could do nothing but watch; anything he said could only fuel her resolution. Talia moved away from him, taking up a position behind John Sheridan. Susan had been hurt more times than any human had a right to be. Her words had told the terrible truth. Michael Garibaldi had betrayed them. He didn't remember sending any damn message but it might not have been the first time. How much other information had he passed on ? What was he capable of doing ? If he didn't trust himself he wasn't going to expect others to. " Just take me back to Babylon 5," he told her. " Then I'll leave, go where I can't be a danger to anyone." Their eyes met, the deep blue piercing her soul. Her resolve faltered and the gun dipped. " John !" Michael shouted in panic. He dived forward, colliding with Sheridan, just as the gunshot echoed through the bay. The Captain crashed to the floor but the blast had found a mark. Reacting automatically Susan brought her own weapon to bear, squeezing off three shots in rapid succession. There was a scream but Susan didn't stop to look. Michael was laying very still, a gaping wound in his back. John scrambled to his feet calling for medics but Susan hardly heard him. She placed a trembling hand on Michael's neck, trying to locate the pulse point. There was a flutter beneath her fingers, but her hand was shaking so much it was difficult to be sure. So much blood. She pulled of her jacket and used it to pad the wound; " Come on Michael don't you die on me," she heard herself screaming. Where were those medics ? Was the blood flow slowing ? Or was it the fact that he had little left to loose ? She increased the pressure, her arms cramping with the effort. She checked his pulse again....still there, he was still with her. The Minbari were at her side moving her away but Susan refused to budge. " Michael, speak to me, speak to me or ....or I'll trash your Daffy Duck picture." A slight moan, he was fighting his way back to hazy consciousness. His hand reached out and Susan took it. " Love you......," he managed to whisper. " Get him out of here," Sheridan ordered. Susan knelt on the floor of the bay, staring at her hands. They were slick with blood, his blood. Her whole body was overcome by a fit of trembling. Unable to stand she crawled to the place where the blond woman lay, her hair fanned about her face. Death had not treated her beauty well. The evidence of her struggle was plain on her ravaged features. Only the ugly remained. " It was Talia wasn't it ?" Susan asked. " For a time," John agreed. " But she was never really free. Until now. " He helped Susan to her feet, not letting her look back at the corpse. As he guided her to the exit he told Marcus, " Throw that out of an airlock." *************************************************************************** ******** Michael did not regain consciousness after those two mumbled words. The Minbari had treated him as well as they knew how, but their knowledge of human physiology was theoretical not practical. Now, several hours later, Susan Ivanova sat by his side, willing him to open his eyes. She recalled the last time he had suffered injuries like this all too clearly. Lying so still, hooked up to machines. She had stood similar vigils, wondering if he would ever recover. The feelings were so familiar; waiting for him to smile, laugh, crack a joke. " How's he doing ?" It was the Captain's voice. Sheridan, despite his injuries, had been standing watch on the bridge. His own condition was stable, as long as he didn't try to move too fast. " They say the blast missed anything vital," she replied, trying to sound more cheerful than she actually felt. John wasn't fooled for a moment. She was sitting in a chair next to the makeshift human bed, her knees drawn up to her chest. Blood still stained her clothes. " Why don't you go and get cleaned up ?" he suggested gently. " Not yet." " Susan...." " I said no ! If anything happens I need to be here." She turned away from John, staring once more at Michael's still features. Her desire for him was still offset by the pain of betrayal. She knew it wasn't his fault, knew he had hated what they had done to him. Her own actions didn't help her state of mind , as she struggled to come to terms with what she had been willing to do. Susan wanted , more than anything, to be left alone. If they would just give her time to sort out her feelings. John didn't go away. He placed a supporting arm about her shoulders. " I nearly shot him," she whispered." Wouldn't listen, wouldn't wait for him to explain. Maybe I'm the one that needs forgiving." He noticed that she hadn't mentioned Talia. " You saved our lives," Sheridan ventured." If you hadn't been so quick Talia would...." " Michael saved your life." Forgiving herself would not come easily, and John's words were not helping. The next fourteen hours were the longest that Susan Ivanova could remember. They arrived at B5 on schedule. The doctors came and loaded Michael onto a shuttle. Susan followed. The hours slipped slowly by. Other friends made their support felt, but she just wanted them to disappear. Of them all, Susan found Delenn's visits most depressing. The Minbari woman couldn't help her own happiness, but Susan felt resentful of the love that John and Delenn shared. Marcus was conspicuous by his absence. She missed him in a peculiar way. After almost two days, Michael's eyes fluttered open. " How are you feeling ?" Susan asked. " I'm sure it didn't hurt so much last time," he replied, with a rueful smile. She wouldn't look at him and he could hardly blame her. Still, she was here and she was talking to him. He wanted to ask the question 'What happens now ?' but he couldn't force the words past his lips. The answer scared him too much. He wanted to touch her, but she sat just outside his reach. " You need to get some more rest," she told him. " Susan...," " You lost a great deal of blood." " Don't do this to me." She bent towards him, placing a finger on his lips; " So much has happened, I need time Michael." " Time to trust me again ?" There was no reply. Michael closed his eyes, not wanting to look at her. He had fought as hard as he knew how, but somehow it wasn't enough. It almost broke her heart to see him turn away. It was as if he was shutting part of himself off again. She wanted to believe in him, forget what he had been forced to do. Take a chance. At his own admission he was a security risk. They would never be sure that he had managed to shake all traces of his programming. " Help me," he whispered. " Please." Maybe he didn't have the right to ask, but he wasn't about to let her walk out of his life.....or walk out of hers. To do that would be to surrender, to admit that they had finally beaten him. " Well, Mr. Garibaldi, getting shot in the back is getting to be a bit of a habit ?" Franklin bustled into the room. " Susan...." Garibaldi ignored Stephen. There was fear in her eyes. She couldn't give him the assurance he needed, not while she had so many doubts about herself. " See you later ?" Michael asked, trying to keep his tone of voice even. Susan nodded and used the excuse to leave. *************************************************************************** ** " So light up the fire and let the flame burn," The voices had a peculiarly sweet quality. Blending together in rough unschooled harmony, male, female, the voices of children. It was soothing in a strange way, if only he could work out what the hell he was doing here. " Open your door, let Jesus return. Take seeds of his spirit let the fruit grow....." A woman offered to share her hymn book with him but he waved her away. The rest of the words were lost to him. Had he come here for forgiveness ? He couldn't absolve himself so he expected a god he didn't believe in to do it ? Whatever his reasons, among these people, among the old words drifting from his memory, he was finding a little peace. He had been released from Med. Lab. a week ago and had spent most of the time alone in his quarters. That wasn't quite true. Susan had dropped by a couple of times. Maybe they had purged some of the pain, the guilt, but it was not enough. They could never be separated, and that was the unkindest cut of all. Though it hurt to be together, being apart would be unbearable. Even now Michael couldn't forget how beautiful she had looked. The dim illumination highlighting the colours in her hair, her glorious blue eyes, the delicate shade of her smooth skin. He shook himself mentally. This wasn't the place to be having those kind of thoughts. What a damn mess. Michael hated what they were doing to each other, but couldn't see any way out. Too many doubts about themselves. She had not stayed the night. He couldn't work out if she really did need to be on duty or she just couldn't bear to be with him any longer. The hymn finished and people started to leave. Michael had hoped he could just slip out unnoticed but he saw Brother Theo heading towards him. " Mr. Garibaldi, did you enjoy the service ?" Theo smiled. " Yeah, I guess," he mumbled. The monk looked at him in a curiously expectant fashion. Michael found himself staring at his shoes. " Is there something else I can do for you ?" Theo continued. " I don't know," Michael replied. " I sure as hell hope someone can." " Please sit down." " Don't I have to kneel or somethin' ?" " That went out with Vatican III. You could think of me as your bartender." " Not a good idea....... I used to hit a lot of them" Theo smiled and waited. Michael told him everything. He didn't know why he could suddenly talk to this man. Someone to stand judgement over him ? The Captain wouldn't do it, Franklin could find nothing medically wrong. The Ombuds would not assign criminal blame. What else was there apart from the 'wrath of God '? " Mr. Garibaldi......Michael, I can not absolve you of sins you have not committed. The peace you are so desperate to find is within you. No, you will not be able to forget what happened and yes , you must change things about yourself but this is not the way. I will not tell you that you were wrong or that you are evil. If you believe that Our Lord will rain down fire and brimstone onto your unworthy person you are very much mistaken......... I haven't been much help I'm afraid." " I don't know....in some ways it's just been good to talk about what happened with someone who wasn't involved." " The doors to our church are always open Michael. I hope you will come back some time." " Maybe I will at that. I still don't know what I'm goin' to do. " " Live life to the best of your ability. Peace be with you Michael Garibaldi. " " And with you Brother." Michael felt......He didn't know. Brother Theo left him but it was a long while before he moved from his seat. Leaving the Station had been on his mind. Right now it seemed like the best option. He was no use to anyone here. Hell, there had to be something he could do. Something to prove that he trusted himself again. Anything to stop himself going nuts hanging around his quarters all day. Making his decision he got to his feet and strode out of the church. He found Sheridan wandering through the Zocalo, as was his habit. The Captain liked to make himself available to the general populace. He smiled when he saw Michael, " How are you feeling, Michael ?" he asked. " Better," Michael replied. " In fact.......I think I'm well enough to do something to help out around here." A loud yelp interrupted their conversation. Michael looked a Zack Allen in semi-annoyance. " Calm down Zack. I wasn't talking about being head of security again." " What else are you going' to do then ?" Zack challenged. " I thought I could pilot a shuttle, load cargo. Something non vital." " Is that really what you want Michael ?" Sheridan asked. " Yes." " Er.....Captain. There's something else we have to consider." Zack said. " What's that ?" " I'm resigning ." " Zack !" Garibaldi exclaimed. " I'm not about to do you out of your job." " Tough." " Seems I have a vacancy," Sheridan grinned. " One which you would be perfect for." " No choice ?" Garibaldi asked. " None whatsoever," Zack grinned. " I've gotta get goin' I'll see you tomorrow morning." Michael watched him go, shaking his head. He wasn't sure if he could do this. Working for John again was one thing...... " Something on your mind, Michael ?" John asked. " Nothing important," he lied. " You don't seem pleased about taking your job back." " Frankly, I'm not sure its a good idea. God knows what I'm still capable of doing, what they left in my mind. You can't trust me John. I want to stay here, I need something to do, but not that. I'd have to be armed, I'd have access to the most secure areas of the Station. Its not worth the risk." " I think it is." " John..." " Have you spoken to Susan, about it ?" " No." " I think you should. This link you have, if there is something wrong she might be able to sense it. " Michael didn't appear convinced. He didn't want to pull Susan in on this, give her some kind of obligation to stay with him. What had Brother Theo spoken about ? Changing things about himself, finding peace ? It came down to trusting himself, and the others who cared about him. " All right, I'll do it, but I still expect you to keep your promise." Sheridan nodded, " We have a meeting 0800 tomorrow morning, your input would be appreciated." " I'll be there." Michael returned to his quarters. There, still stored neatly in the corner was the box that contained his uniform. He opened it cautiously, fingering the black material. Memories flooded back, of his capture, all the things they had done to him. Strange thoughts seemed to flash through his head. For a moment he couldn't be sure if any of them were his own. He had to take faith in that doubt. The very fact that he was worried strengthened his resolve. He took the uniform out of its box. *************************************************************************** *** Susan made her way slowly to her morning briefing. Was there any way that she could feel worse about herself ? Would it have hurt to spend the whole night together ? It would have meant more to him that just the sex. Michael was too much of a gentleman to try and make her stay. She couldn't stop blaming herself. Talia's death flashed through her mind again. Then Michael on the floor, covered in blood. This time it was her weapon that had fired the shot. This time the injuries were fatal. His own thoughts had been just as disturbed. It wouldn't surprise her if one morning he was gone and she wasn't sure if she could cope with that. Keeping her distance was the wisest course of action, at least until he made some kind of commitment to stay. Was it her imagination or was everyone damn cheerful this morning ? There went another security guard with a stupid grin on his face. Should be a regulation against it. She would personally make sure that no one attempted to be happy when she finally got to C + C. " Sorry I'm late, Captain," she apologised as she walked into the meeting room. The usual people were there; John, Delenn, Marcus, Stephen, Zack......Michael. Susan found herself doing a double take. It was Michael. Damn, but he looked sexy in his uniform. He rose to greet her, raising a questioning eyebrow. She could feel the eyes of the whole room on her, waiting for a reaction. " Nice to have you back Mr. Garibaldi," she said as she took the seat next to him. That would teach them to set her up. Under the table she let her hand slide onto Michael's knee. He placed his hand on top of hers, gripping it tightly. They thought their gesture had gone unnoticed, but John caught the look that passed between them and smiled to himself. " John, you are an incurable romantic," Delenn whispered. " You bet," he replied. Marcus watched with quiet acceptance. Susan was happy, so it was very difficult for him to actively dislike Garibaldi. In his heart he could no longer find the will to be jealous. He had to let her go. If he couldn't be her lover he would be her protector, her friend. *************************************************************************** ******* " You're not entirely happy about this are you ?" Susan asked as they wandered towards her quarters, after dinner. It had been a long, difficult day. It seemed like Zack had been saving up problems for him. They had probably planned it that way. The cake had been good though. " I don't know," he sighed. " I still think the Captain is takin' a big risk." " Isn't that what he's famous for ?" " I guess so, that and being generally invulnerable." " Michael, we're all here for you. Don't run away." " I'm not going to, you're too important to me. I just need to know that, if you sense something wrong, you'll tell me about it." " You have my word." He took her hand in gratitude. It was a stupid schoolboy thing to do but she didn't seem to mind. " Thankyou for a lovely evening, Michael," Susan added as they reached her quarters. " You're welcome." Silence followed. Was he going to leave or stay ? Michael wouldn't remain unless she asked him to. " Not even a goodnight kiss ?" she teased. He laughed, bending forward as he did so, letting his lips brush against hers for an instant. She didn't let go of his hand. It seemed an age before decision suddenly crossed his features. He allowed her to lead him through the door. *************************************************************************** ******** EPILOGUE The man paused in the doorway letting his eyes roam over the figure of his lover, silhouetted against the light from the rooms single window. She had changed little over the years. Her hair, grey now, she still wore long, braided loosely to keep it away from her face. Her figure, slightly softer around the hips and breasts. A result of the children she had born. If the truth be known, he preferred her that way. Her eyes, still held that vital spark, could still flash between joy and anger.....still held that note of pain that had diminished, but would never be wholly gone from her heart. Something new had joined the old sorrow. John's death, although expected, had hit them all hard. The man took her hand, leading her away from the window. He didn't want to look at the world they had helped to rebuild. Her arms slid about his waist, as he claimed her mouth with his own. Her warmth helped heal the hole death had left in his own heart. She responded, taking pleasure in the firm grip of his arms, the muscles well defined. Later they lay, loose twined across the bed. Still silent, no words necessary. Accepting the fact that John had finally left them. Succumbing to the legacy of the past. Slowly they would all follow him....Until all that remained would be a history that called them heroes. It wasn't a bad epitaph.