From FLUFFER@prodigy.net Tue Jan 28 22:40:27 1997 Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 12:21:01 -0600 From: Laura Hale To: b5-creative@lists.best.com Subject: 17 Spoof This is a spoof on 17 Magazine. It is meant to be humourous. Don't be afraid to comment. I like cooment. fluffer@prodigy.net Oh yea, this is kind of a response as to what delenn was reading to gain her insight on humans and the act. It's also fills my own J&D cravings. Haha Spoilers for SIC transit Vir and the Talia Episode,a season 4 episode, and speculation (then again isn't every fan fic speculation?) Seventeen Sometime 2261 ----------------------------------------------------------------- Table of Contents: Page 2 Notes: bEST fRIENDS: Page 3 Friends Forever: Page 4 mAIL: Page 5 bODYlINE: Page 6 rELATING: Page 7 qUIZ: Page 7 sex + body: Page 7 gUYS: Page 8 ----------------------------------------------------------------- Notes bEST fRUENDS This is one of those weird in between months: The boom has happened but the next seems a light year away. It may seem like the only thing to get physched about is the annual visit by the jms fairy. It is also the time explore your relationships. The most important relationship being your relationship with your best friend. When we asked you to tell us about your best bud last April, we expected a major response, but we were OVERWHELMED by the MILLIONS of letters, poems, photos and collages. After reading about every last one, one thing was certain: the residents of Babylon 5 and the rest of the universe have a total grip on the meaning of true friendship. So we borrowed your words and put together this BBF checklist: You Know You're Best Friends Forever When... - You talk via Babcom 24-7 - You make eachother smile - You've gone through everything (interuptions, talks with priests, sex disscussions, reruns, delusions, filling out reports) together. - You share everything, from White Star's and command to secrets and dreams. - You're always there for eachother. - You read each other's minds and sometimes even communicate telepathically. - You would rather WIN this contest than date President Clark because you like your friends more then that person and friendship last longer then yucky presidents. While it was UltraHard to Pick THE WINNERS of our very first Best Friends Contest, John Sheridian and Delenn caught our attetion. We think their supertight friendship says it all- to see what we mean check them out in this magazine. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Friends Forever Last summer we asked you to tell us about your best bud in the whole universe, and millions of you did just that - we quickly got buried under a mountain of totally amazing submissions. It wasn't easy to pick a pair of winners, but something about John Sheridian and Delenn, both babylon 5 residents, caught our attetion. We thought their super-tight friendship and their awesome new age clothes were so cool that we brought them to Epsilon 3 for the weekend. The pair's first agenda is not appropiate but their second agenda is way cool. Here's there three day agenda. (the following is lost in the mail. Somebody read my copy and tore out the pages. if anyone has it, please forward it to me.) ----------------------------------------------------------------- mAIL i lOVE tHIS mAGAZINE 17, I love your magazine. It has the best coverage of all the things important to me: Hot guys, local news and the warmest romances. Keep it up. Laura Babylon 5 17, your coverage of Mildred Clark's marriage to Bruce Hoppenstein was amazing! I loved her dress. Bruse is so hot... He gives me warm flashes and I'm only 14! Mildred is damn lucky! Christina Mars My mother wanted me to get rid of my clothes and I couldn't find anything I liked until your cover piece on Minbari fashion. It saved me and my ma from a humungo fight! Thanks 17! Mariah Proxima 7 ----------------------------------------------------------------- trauma-rama fIRST kISS fIASCOES The Interupting Friend My girlfriend and I were about to go in for her first smooch. She was ready and I was finally over my ex enough to give kissing her a go when my good friend who doesn't know I'm dating this girl calls on babcom to interupt! I was some what embarrased because her father shouldn't get wind of this unless he decides to take her out of my hands. Anyway, later I got up nerve to move in for the first smooch. I did it in such a cool way too. I did it in front of all the kids she was babysitting for. gET a lIFE I've dreamed of kissing this girl for so long it hurts. I mean I'm saving myself for her you know and when I move close to her in the cafeteria, she whacks in the arm and calls me fresh... But I get my first kiss from her in my dreams everynight. bACK hAND My boyfriend is so sweet. I just saved his life and when he first saw me he smiled and kissed my hand. I'm glad he did it. It has brought us closer together and helped break down the cultural wall that seperated us. He did it in front of a lot of people who might resent his actions. He was brave for kissing my hand and I am happy he did it. tELEPATH eNCOUNTER I kissed my girl. We ended later having sex. We had fun. If you want to know more, read my mind. ----------------------------------------------------------------- bODYlINE does your gym class need a makeover? If your gym teacher is still trying to get you to perform a b5 dive rool in front of your entire gym class, send her this news flash: Physical education doesn't have to be an education in hypercompteitiveness and humilation. From butt wagging in Babylon 5 ' s corridors to flying furies in space, more and more schools are providing teen-related approaches to phys-ed. Schools like Laura's Wham in IL now offer programs ranging from shooting down guys to picking up guys between commercials. And while standing between two trees twenty feet high, students gain an opportunity to make out with their classmates. Some say the experince is one every babylon 5 jmseber/bbeber/jseber/mceber/dtber/sitber/mgeber should experince. Others say transfer this to school now for a very good phys ed experince. How do you make changes at your school? "Wellp" says Mariah Whamamucka, "You have to go to and talk. I know talk. What a concept. But you talk to teachers and administraion and station commanders and friends. They can help you. If this doesn't work, contact your friends in free mars and have them get you one of those touch sensitive bombs and make loud threats to station commanders. They love that." So next time visions of shooting down guys (or making up with guys) are dancing in your head, talk to the right people. You could be taking your dream class next year. ----------------------------------------------------------------- rELATING (I seem to have misplaced this piece two. It was supposed to be on relating to the human guy you want to date. Where is it?) qUIZ Is your human guy trust worthy? (this to is strangly missing) sex + body (Damn, the sections on human guys would all have to disappear? Is clark monitering this? Man. What is his problem?) ---------------------------------------------------------------- gUYS 3 Signs He Likes You So there's this guy and lately you've been getting a pretty strong vibe from him, like maybe he likes you. You can't really explain it - it's just little things - but everytime you feel certain, he does something to throw you off. Wgich is kind of maddening, because it becomes harder and harder to know how to act around him. If you do like him, should you assume the feeling's mutual and go into total flirt mode? Or if you don't, is there a way to tell him you're not intrested without humilating him (or yourself)? Problem solved: Here's the scoop on some major I-like-you signals that he might be sending you - and how to send back some signals of your own. He gives You The Third Degree He wants to know if you'll be at the league meeting tonight. He asks you how you fix your hair after chystalis. He borrows a data crystal for a place to save your picture when he's got one in his hand. Does he like you? Maybe. But if yesterday he asked you if you had any flarn, and the day before he was curious if you read Eye on Minbar, this 20 questions routine could be a giant, flashing neon sign that he's intrested, and you night start thinking about whether you feel the same way. To Date Him: If he's worth the daily flarn, try steering the conversation in a new direction. Start suggesting the flarn's on him next week - and you like it fresh. Or quiz him on little known trivia about Minbar. Once he sees you're responding to his chatter, the conversation should get a little more intresting. To Ditch Him: Use one-word answers even to the most direct questions. He Stares At You He stares at you especially as you leave the room. To Date Him: Gazing right back could result in a staring match, which isn't all that romantic. But you could catch his eye briefly, just enough to let him know your on to him. If your bold enough (you are), you'll talk to him after the council session. What about? Mentionthe boring speech that the centari ambassador gave that you both sat through, or about the annoying tick that the Citizen Narn seemed to devolop during this speech. To Ditch Him: Go ahead, glare - hard. It's the only way to convey your supreme annoyance at this unwanted attetion at being looked at like a side of beef. He Lends You His Prized Possessions He offers you his White Star as you head out into battle. He asks you if you need his captain's jacket because you look cold. You reassure him that you are fine but his generosity continues. And now your a bit suspicious. Think you might like him back? Here's a simple "Does he like me?" test: Snatch his beloved bear-a-lon bear and run with it through the Zocolo waving it in the air. He'll either a.) furiously chase after you, grab his bear back and walk away in a huff, or b.) chase you, snag the scrunchie from your hair and then run away laughing. James say s it can be fun when a girl steals his teddy bear or clothes-if he likes her. "I might say something about her taking it," he says, "but I would let her and I'd be pretty happy about it." To date him: Use the chase scene as a start off point for conversation. Go the sarcastoc route: Point out that your white terry-clothed scrunchie isn't working with his outfit. To Ditch Him: Whenever he offers you stuff, turn him down. That simple. If he doesn't stop then, call in free mars. ----------------------------------------------------------------